Sunday, June 8, 2008
I'd prefer a beachy destination
Well, tomorrow begins another leg of the journey. Another chapter in the chronicles of Zoey's amazing story. Time to venture off she and I, into new and uncharted territory. Time to put our trust in the bigger plan. "You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded, in your book, every moment was laid out before a single day passed." Psalm 139:16. Time to put those words into action with the knowledge that no amount of worry, surmising, hoping or wishing will change the path this journey will take. Trust and faith has got to be our guide from this point on. When anxiety and worry creep in and try to take over, we must look to this child for our strength once again. She really has been the one who has carried us this year. We have watched her triumph over every obstacle placed before her. She has courageously faced all the unfair circumstances thrust upon her and she has emerged stronger each and every time. These last weeks have been perfect examples. She weathered weeks and weeks of Vigabatrin and ACTH with all their side effects and still pushed through all the pain and discomfort. When the drugs were finally weaned from her body, she proved to us that she was still there, fighting all the while. She did indeed come back, with renewed strength. She regained her resilient spirit and taught us once again the tremendous power held within such a tiny body. We have often been told that Zoey came to us, our family, because of our innate strength and capability. I diagree. I believe Zoey came to us because of our weakness, our shortcomings. She came to us because we actually lacked certain characteristics and qualities. She came to us to teach us. Teach us lessons in courage, beauty, forgiveness, resiliency, faith, love, hope. Tomorrow brings uncertainty but it also brings another opportunity to open ourselves up to new lessons that we may never have had a chance to experience had we not been given the gift of Zoey Grace. She is a gift. A miracle. We have been blessed that the last 4 weeks have been filled with such joy. We have been blessed to have Zoey feel better and look better then we have seen in a long time. My one prayer weeks ago was that we could get Zoey back to a stable, happy place before we went to UCLA and that prayer has been answered. There have been a few glitches thrown in along the way, but what else is new. For the most part it has been an amazing time once again in our lives. We have cherished the moments. Our prayer for this week is that God will grant us peace in our days and the wisdom to do what is in Zoey's best interest. That the doctors that are placed before us, will also have the wisdom to do what is in Zoey's best interest. I will miss the rest of the crew while we are gone but I know the love of each other and the help and support of family and friends will see us all through this next transition and time of change. We have no idea how long we will be at UCLA. We will take it one day at a time. One now at a time. I will miss checking in on all our little blogging friends and their families, as you all have become part of our extended family. The lap top is needed at home, but hopefully Mark can bring it down one evening so I can glimpse at the faces of these other precious children that have touched my life in an incredible way. A huge thank you to all who take time out of their days, even for a minute or two, to check in how things going with us, with Zoey. Your loyalty, friendship and love means the world to us. Your prayers mean the world to us. We are challenged once again to let go. We are challenged once again to relinquish control. To let ourselves be led by a power far greater. I can't promise that it will be easy but I understand I will have no say, once again. I can only be Zoey's voice and the control I give up to the One who sent her to me. I found a quote by Walt Whitman:" The steps of faith fall on the seeming void and find the rock beneath" I feel I have several "rocks" in my life. God. My friends. My family. My husband. My children. My little Zoey. She is my rock. I endure because she endures. This week we endure together, her and I. I truly am the luckiest mom to have been blessed to walk this journey with this wondrous little girl. Tomorrow we venture, my girl and I. I must tell you that I would much rather be packing for a trip say, to Hawaii. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow UCLA. Another day maybe some place a little more exotic. Zoey deserves exotic don't you think? I will update as soon as I am able. Maybe I will get one of my helper bee's to do it for me. Till then, thank you one and all for all you give to my life. I am stronger because of it.