Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but the number of moments that take our breathe away"

Well , it's been 3 weeks since we found out that the ACTH didn't complete the job of ridding Zoey of her seizures forever. It's been 4 weeks since she started having seizures again and it's been 4 months since her seizures first began. Time. We often measure things by days, weeks, months and years. It's just what we do. Zoey has given us a chance to measure things instead, by moments. Something I am sure all of us can pretty much say we have trouble doing. However, when someone so amazing, such as Zoey and countless others like her ,enters your life, you pause and look at time on a whole new level. You soon stop wishing away the days. You stop yearning to catch glimpses of what lies ahead. Because not only will you spoil the magical moments coming but living in the here and now may become unbearable if you knew what was waiting for you on the horizon. Instead, one courageous little girl bestowed upon us a precious gift of right now. This moment. One that can be gone in an instant, but if we are lucky, will be followed by yet another moment. Another moment holding something new. Sometimes that moment may not hold what we were wishing for. Sometimes that moment may hold a pain so deep we will want to trade it for another. But each moment holds what it's meant to hold . No amount of wishing, praying or hoping will change that which has already come. So the moments keep coming. And we thank God for them. A child such as Zoey brings to our lives an opportunity for gratitude, humility,selflessness.To live our moments with the very best we hold inside. The very best part of ourselves. To project and carry that out into the world. To do good in this moment. And when we don't, because we sometimes won't, this moment allows us a chance for forgiveness. Asked for sometimes and given at others. Because one thing we should all know by now, is that we may not get a heads up on when the next moment won't be coming our way. That holds true for any of us. Zoey has taught me that lesson. The frailty of today. The fleeting of every moment. I would never have imagined that a child of mine, so small, so innocent, so young, would teach me the priceless lesson of living in the moment. Zoey's gift's just keep coming. Her moments absolutely take my breathe away.  Moment by moment. Each one more beautiful then the last.  

*We all seem to be getting back into the groove of things since our busy weekend. Time to buckle down in preparation for Zoey going to UCLA. Lots of logistical planning. S.O.S. to all our family and friends. We once again won't be able to get through these moments without you. Asking for help has NEVER been my strong suit. I have had to learn the fine art of giving that up. I do need you all. Physically, emotionally and spiritually once again.  Zoey continues to live these moments seizure free. Simply amazing. She is a little off today. Not sure what's going on with her. Has been sleeping away most of the day. Not like her. Although she has been taking her naps like a dream, this is a bit different. Smiles aren't coming in bunches and she is not particularly interested in eating. Again thankful for the insurance of her g-tube. I'll be keeping a close eye on her. Pray for her that she is just catching up on weeks of lost sleep. She was unable to get her 3 month blood draw due to the ACTH causing inaccurate results so ...... my mind wonders to very" not helpful" thoughts of her numbers being off and her" nasty little blood thing" rearing it's ugly head. Trying to remind myself that after all she has been through that she is entitled to off days. Trying hard to push those thoughts away and get back to living in the moment!


Dawson said...

Living in the moment.. absolutly. I needed that reminder today. Thank you and heres to another day of no seizures for that sweet little girl. You guys take care and know that we offer constant prayers for Zoey and your family

Carey said...

I love all the pictures! Your writing is so beautiful! Please don't worry too much about what I know you're thinking about. She's not having fevers or anything is she? That and petechia would make me worry, but you didn't mention that. Just know we're right here with you!

Hugs, Carey & Chelsea