Monday, August 25, 2008
Going,going almost gone .....
Summer.One more day left and then the hurrying and scurrying of a new school year will be upon us.I have never been one to be wishing the kids back to school. Trust me,we have had a day here or there where they have been at each others throats and I have thought."Is it time to go back to school yet?"But those times have been few and far between. There is however a really classic Staples commercial, with parents skipping down the aisles singing"It's the most wonderful time of the year"Cracks me up every time.But for me,over the past two summers especially, since Zoey has been born, I find myself actually wishing we all had MORE time together.That summer was just a tad bit longer. That we could linger here a short time more.Isn't that like most things in life?Isn't that the case with life in general? Wanting things to last a little while longer. At least the good stuff.Holding on just a little tighter.Knowing I must loosen my grasp but instead I find myself doing battle with my over powering desire to keep us close to one another.My over powering desire to watch over them and protect them and be part of their every moment. Afraid I will miss something. A moment. Selfish really because each and everyone of them has to go out there and find their way. Even to do their own battle on the school playground.A mini piece of the world. The good, the bad and the ugly. How they face what happens there, will help shape them for who they will become tomorrow and I cannot be there to over see it all. I would do them a huge disservice if I were.So off they go, 5 out of the 6.Senior in college down to developmental kindergarten.And then there's Zoey. She's in a category all her own! Am I all over the map in raising of children or what?Exhausting at times,both mentally and physically but there is no other place I would rather be.I vividly remember having a conversation with my dad during my senior year in high school. I was in such a state of confusion. What I was doing with my life?What I even WANTED to do with my life. After a little go around, my dad finally said,"What do you want to do with your life,be a wife and mother?"I paused and said,"Yeah ,maybe"I don't think it was actually the path he wanted for me ,especially right then but I did know, way back then,that that was what I wanted to do most with my life . Being a mother one day, was the only thing I was absolutely sure of. So here I am today. A wife and a mother. Doing the one thing I always knew I wanted to do. Not many people can say that, in this very moment,they are living the life they have always wanted.Always dreamed of. Now of course,as seen by Miss Zoey and her little life,I would change certain aspects. Her physical pain. Our emotional pain.My struggle with my faith. But changing that would change all this.So, no I would not have done it any differently.Not one moment do I take it for granted. God has blessed me in ways too vast to number. I am living a life that others may not ever be able to. I am always mindful and always grateful of that knowledge.Today we head to the beach. Our official last hurrah.I couldn't think of a better place to be.Carefree.Peaceful.Calm. All the things I have so yearned for over the last 18 months.I just love watching the boys giggle and laugh.Play in the ocean. Build sand castles.Dig for crabs.And Zoey. She just sticks her cute little chin up and feels that breeze on her face.Just enjoying everything around her.Taking it all in.The one thing that would make it perfect was if Mark and the other girls could go with us.Not to be. Not today.Another school year. Another chapter. So strange and so wonderful. Again I find myself raising three little ones.But also watching three big ones begin their own new chapters.Making new memories.Last night Taylor and I watched the movie "Rent".There is s a song from the movie with a line that just stuck in my head:"There's only us,there's only this,Forget regret or life is yours to miss.No other road.No other way.Only today."Some sound advice.Worthy of following.I continue to give it my best shot. Some days better than others.But at least I keep trying,does that count?
*Zoey had just woken up from her nap the other day. She looked so cute.She was being so flirty with Taylor and Taylors boyfriend Brandon in this picture. I love this one because she is sitting so straight!We don't often find her so upright!