Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Day 21 ....





Today I was exhausted.Today I was going a bit stir crazy.Today ... I so wished we were home.I haven't really hit many times over the past 3 weeks when I have felt so incredibly confined by the walls of CHLA.Even Round 1 seemed to be easier to wade through than the last few days.I have manged to get through the days just knowing that there were no other options.We stay as long as we stay.But today .... I was done.Each time Zoey fell asleep,ever so briefly that it was,I would do laps around the floor.Circling the nurses stations and just dreading heading back into room 414 bed B.I went out,just around the corner,to grab a sandwich while Zoey was sleeping.The sun felt so great against my face and I realized in that moment how little time Zoey has spent outdoors over the last 2 months.How little time either of us has spent outdoors over the last 2 months.I literally broke out into a jog as I crossed the crosswalk and I had this overwhelming feeling to keep running.Not away from Zoey but to get out there and start running.I miss running.I feel so free while running and I have not been able to run for a very long time.It has been well before Zoey hit this latest blip in the radar.One day I hope to get back to it.I know I will.Just a matter of when.I had also hoped to be home this week with Zoey so that did not add to my mood of the day.Maybe by weeks end home will be on the horizon.We will have missed spending the week with Mark though and for that I am a little sad.What's keeping us inpatient?Well,numbers people,always numbers.ANC a whopping 10.Might as well be zero.White count is basically holding steady at 1.25 and red and hemoglobin are in a holding pattern as well.Platelets however are in recovery.We are up to 144,000,which is awesome and by Friday everything should be on it's way up.So we wait and I pace and we wait some more.Here are a few pictures from the last couple of days.Zoey is doing this tongue thing lately when I take her picture.Cracked me up each and every time.Well at the risk of sounding repetitive,I am so tired and cannot seem to put together 2 coherent sentences.Let alone keep my eyes open.So I call it a night.Tomorrow will be here before I know it.

17 comments:

Reagan Leigh said...

First thing I noticed was the tongue! Looks like little miss Zoey is getting quite the personality! So glad to hear she's doing well though. I just wish her numbers would improve so she could spend some time at home!!! All in good time I know.

Theresa in Texas said...

I so wish I could help in some way, prayer is a good thing, but I wish I could do more for you and sweet Zoey. I loved the tongue thing, looks as if she was trying to make you laugh as if to cheer you up some. Your little girls holds a special place in my heart and her sweets pictures make me smile. Thanks for sharing.

Mia hat eins mehr said...

Maybe we should think about going on a jog together, maybe next year, hopefully with beautiful Zoey at home por maybe with us, in a jogger-thing...how does that sound?

I wish you luck, strenght, love, all the good things-for a new, hopefully happy year.

WheresMyAngels said...

Praying that the new year will bring many blessings and miracles your way!

Michelle said...

Love the tongue!! I know how lonely & 'far away' a hospital can feel. On those lonely afternoons or nights, you can always place a call a couple states away to Utah and I can try to take you away to a far, cold and very white land! :)Really though..I am here for any late night chats or what not! Hang in there...keep the faith and when times get tough...just look at those pics of the tongue! :) We send our love!

Carey said...

You will definitely be going home within a few numbers, those numbers sound promising! Just don't go getting a fever or anything! Hang in there, we're continuing to pray!

Four Wonders Mommy said...

I can only imagine how stir crazy you are getting. Zoey is so sweet. I am praying for some good numbers this week. As they say, there is no place like home!

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather: (& Mark)

Love that little pink tongue! And those photos of the girls were soooo beautiful. Someone asked about the girls' beautiful hair in another days' comments. Their dad has a part in that, with his dark wavy hair. (is it turning gray like your father's Mark, and of course your grandmother GG had some wave in her hair also.

Hope you can get home and all be together for a little while. Mark I guess you are holding down the home front this week?

Mark, it was so nice to talk with you at your parents' home and also Christmas eve for a few moments while (a-hem)you were driving the freeway to the hospital....

And yes, Heather you will have a lifetime of Xmas together. I know the sadness you feel this year, although I have some 19 years of memories of Charlie to get me through this difficult 2008 Xmas season.

Take Care

Aunt Bluebelle

Anonymous said...

Love Zoey's latest pix. ATTITUDE GIRLFRIEND.... Hope you are home soon, needless to say. The numbers game has its own rules -- but fooey sometimes,huh? Big hugs to you all, and love and the constant prayers. Christi Harman

Nancy Ellis said...

Heather,
I just want you to know that I will keep precious little Zoey in my prayers. I'm so, so sorry.

Kele said...

LOVE the tongue thing she has going, LOL! HATE that you guys are still there, and MISS like hell talking to you... Love you and will call tomorrow!

Kristy said...

Heather~ Zoey's disposition is awesome! I got the biggest smile on my face when I saw these pictures! She looks so happy!! You have always been a good friend and I am so looking forward to the day when you call me and say, "Hey, want to get the girls together for a playdate?" I hope you and Zoey get home soon so you can relax together without the hospital walls. Always thinking and praying. hugs xoxo

Judy said...

Heather~ You and I are on two different journeys but I can so feel your exhaustion.
Please know you are in my prayers daily!
Zoey looks adorable in her photos....what a sweet little girl she is!!!!
Hugs and prayers!
Judy

Jeanette said...

The first thing I noticed was the bright pink tongue. Love it! My Syd goes through stages of doing the same thing. It's part of her smile! Sometimes I think it is as expressive as eyebrows. Sending you prayers everyday!

Karen Owens said...

From one "tired of these hospital walls" mother to another -- I hear you sister!

I pray that tonight God would give you wonderful peace and comfort within the chaos that surrounds you.

Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

Heather,
Hope you are having a great New Year. Be strong. You are such an amazing example of courage. Ms. Zoey looks 'amazing' in those pictures. Lots of love from Georgia.
Happy New Year!
Gwen and Ivey, and the rest of our clan.

Kele said...
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