Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Help .... my arms are tired from flapping so hard .....

Come to the edge,' he said.
They said, 'We are afraid.'
'Come to the edge,' he said.
They came.
He pushed them ...
And they flew.~Peter McWilliams

Yeah, I'm tired. We all have had enough of trying to master the fine art of flying. The only one who seems to have it down, is the brave and mighty Zoey. The past 2 days have been difficult on my little love. The reality of chemotherapy and what it takes out of one so little, was more than apparent over the course of the last day or two. It seems like day two of each Round is the, hello, I hate this stuff,time period. But this child just fights through it and finds her way. This morning when she woke, it looked like, if she could, she would have asked me, "Momma, what color was that Mack truck that just nailed me?" Her eyes were puffy, her face beet red and she had glares and frown faces and tears for all that dared to come near her. Now, the good news is that by days end today, just in time for Mark and I to do our switch, she took a turn for the better. I swear, Mark must think I just out and out lie to him throughout the day when he calls to check in on her. Because somehow, someway, Zoey is all smiles by the time he walks through that door. However, it is much easier leaving her happy than unbearably miserable. As for Hotel CHLA ....it is just as I left it. Disorganized, dirty and definitely in need of some shaking up. So, in between caring for the Princess, that is what I intend to do. Actually, already started. They are either going to clean up the 4th floor or I am calling the Health Department. No joke. And,if their left hand can't figure out what their right hand is doing around there, then I swear I am going to the top. I have NEVER, in 22 months of being at that hospital, run into such incompetency on so many levels,as I have, since entering the cancer phase. And ....isn't that sad when all any of the parents up there should be doing is loving and caring for their sick, life threateningly sick, child. Instead we are crossing employees t's and dotting their i's and frankly I am exhausted doing it. But I digress. Round 3 is unmistakeably underway. Roommates, noisy halls, ungodly hours for vitals and blood draws and line changes, tell us so. It will take a few more days to get our groove back but we will get it. It seems like we always do. We continue to faithfully pray that God will watch over our mighty fighter. That His loving arms will enfold her and carry her through the days ahead. That He will continue to strengthen all of us when we are growing weary and that His amazing grace will be the driving force behind our days until once again we can bring our Zoey home again. Till then ... you'll find me still flapping.

26 comments:

Mark said...

I don't think you're a liar, I think maybe she likes me better than you!
Seriously, she did finish her day nicely and is sleeping soundly as I write this comment. You are correct in your statements about this place. The hospital administrators should read this blog. Watch out CHLA.
When H gets an idea, NOTHING gets in her way or stops her. Love you. m

Anonymous said...

Heather -

When your mother-in-law got me started on your blog I remember reading that you weren't sure what God had in mind for you on this journey, I thought and still do - a Book. But maybe, just maybe - this is it also, cleaning up Hotel CHLA fourth floor! Whatever it is, you will know and you will do a fine job of it. We here on the east coast pray for you guys each and every day and yes your littliest one is such a trooper! I am shocked and amazed at how well she has come through all of challenges. I hold my breath every morning when I log on, praying for good news and when I see her smiling face, she certainly makes my day. Praying for as good a 3rd round (or better) as the other 2 have been. How many more???

Robyn from Otisco

The VW's said...

It breaks my heart thinking about all that Zoey is having to endure right now! I've been praying hard and thinking of you guys often! May God give all of you strength, peace and hope today and always!

Hugs from MI,
Alicia and Gavin

BethanyM said...

I found your blog a few days ago and am praying for you. Praying for your sweet little girl, and that God carries you through this with comfort and peace.

Anonymous said...

Heather - you go girl - straighten up that hospital - sounds like they need it!! Unfortunately all the other patients' familes there are probably so exhausted from dealing with their own love one they cannot, or do not have the strenth to go the next step. but.... I just know you will do IT!! That's momma Heather!!

Glad (is that the right word?) that round three is under way as long as it has to be, the sooner it is over... home you and Zoey go...

As Robyn (from Otisco) said - we on the East Coast are holding our breath and praying, praying for little Zoey and everyone in the Needham family.

Mark, sounds like you got the best of that day with your littlest one...smiles for daddy. Heather she will be all smiles the next time you arrive, I just know it.

Hugs to everyone

Aunt Bluebelle

Anonymous said...

I can just imagine your frustration with that hospital. Of all places to be dirty and disorganized! Hang in there. I will call you later to hear all about it.
kathleen

Cheri said...

Kick Butt Heather!! :)

Lacey said...

I can't even imagine sweet little Zoey so sick, she just always has a smile on that face. Its funny you talk about the hospital, I've been looking into it and want to check it out when we come down, so that when we move, everything is ready and I have a hospital for him. You will have to tell me about it. We are praying extra hard right now for you and Zoey. Love Lacey and Jax

Reagan Leigh said...

It's so ridiculous...the incompetency you're having to deal with at a children's hospital!!! Don't they know you have other, more important things on your mind!?!?! I know exactly what you mean about Zoey and Mark! Reagan does the same thing for her Daddy! She'll have a HORRIBLE day with me and then when Mike gets home she perks right up. Maybe it's just the change of pace? I'd like to think she likes me better. Well hang in there. Continued prayers from Houston.
Love,
Tera

Christy P said...

Heather,
I'm proud of you and your ambition to make something positive happen on the 4th floor of your lovely hotel. You've got so much strength, I know you can make a positive change. I'm thinking of your whole family daily and praying for this round to go smoothly.

Googsmom said...

{{{{BIG GIANT HUGS}}}}}}

Mia hat eins mehr said...

Love the comment of your hubby! ;-)

Now, I can totally imagine all you said about the hospital stuff. I would assume that it is even harder with every next round. I would be sooooo annoyed because of the feeling that you kind of depend on those guys. *sigh*

Anyways, your on the way, now it`s again step by step, and...slow and steady wins the race!

As always, I am there, in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I wish friends could truly be the wind beneath your wings. Picture that we are with you. A thousand prayers and hopes that the rough patch is over for Zoey and Round 3 is smoother. Call the health department. Some things don't change unless we take drastic measures. You are not alone. Much love, Christi

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry this round is so hard on your precious girl. I am praying every day for her and for this to all be over soon.

PS....all girl babies love thier daddy's more no matter what a mommy does. I am raising my daughter on my own and give her everything under the sun and play all night long with her till bedtime, but the second she lays her eyes on her daddy...that's all she wrote. It's sweet that a daddy can woo a little girl like that. Props to you Mark! You guys certainly have a beautiful, special, strong willed little girl!

Love and Prayers,

Rachel
luvfor9@gmail.com

Jennifer Mezines said...

Continuing to pray for your little girl and hoping that she starts to feel better soon. Thanks for linking to my site on your post with Zoey in the onsie. I have plenty more....so if you are in need of something special or a special saying or something on a onsie for her...please let me know and I will get it to you right away. Jennifer

Judy said...

Heather, I actually called the news on a hospital we frequent (several years ago). I was disgusted by the incompetence and irresponsibility of some of the staff. The floor that you're on should be spic and span considering those kiddos have compromised immune systems. Go get em, girl!

I also want to second the book idea! Zoey's story has touched so many people. (I am virtually a stranger and yet I find myself checking on Zoey and praying for her and you daily!) She brings such inspiration to me when I'm having a rough day. I was just thinking yesterday (during a pity party) that life is so hard....then I saw Zoey's picture on my blog and thought....if this little girl can go through this hell and STILL have a smile on her face, then I can surely deal with my challenges :)
Keep on flapping, Heather....we're here for you :)

Anonymous said...

The state of disorder is not unigue to CHLA 4th floor our own experiences at various hospitals range from bad to worse - sad when you can rate your favorite hospital. Hopefully changes can be made....

rebecca said...

So... I have been thinking about your blog, and your beautiful girl. If you decide you want to create a new personalized theme (at no charge) just email me and I will gladly assist.

All I would need is your thoughts on design, colors, images if you like...and I will gladly make a button that matches!

My portfolio is on my site: www.rebecca-creates.com

Let me know....

Give your sweet baby girl a kiss and a hug from my Miss E!

rebecca said...

p.s we are keeping your beautiful girl in our thoughts and prayers.

Kristy said...

Heather- You keep on flapping girl!! And sweep, sweep, SWEEP that 4th floor of all that is disorganized and dirty. Zoey and the rest of the warriors on 4th floor deserve nothing less than perfection for their care and "hotel" arrangements.
I wish and pray for much strength and resiliency for round 3. Always praying for the precious Princess Zoey! hugs xoxox

Michelle said...

Keep flapping my friend...and I pray that one day you fly...you, Zoey, Preslie, Myself and all those out there fighting on fly together...we can feel the beauty of the sun warming our cheeks, the wind at our face and instead of looking up wondering how this all makes sense, that we can fly above it all, look down upon the 'finished masterpiece'...this life and know that we were blessed and no matter how it's all packaged, it was beautiful!! My love and prayers are with you and miss Zoey...always!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog. I will keep your darling Zoey in my prayers along with your family. She is precious and always smiling. Teaches us grown-ups to keep smiling - no matter what comes our way! Hang in there!

Sandra

Nancy Ellis said...

Heather,
Zoey is on my mind every day and I say a prayer for her. I hope she is okay.

Colbert Family said...

Thank you so much for the comment on our blog. Our daughter Abbey has ALL (just to remind you of who I am ;) Your sweet Zoey is beautiful! Your family has been on my heart and I know you are walking a very hard road. I wanted to let you know that I will continue to pray for your sweet baby and your family. I added you under 'please pray for our friends' on our blog?
Warmly,
Shelley

Colbert Family said...

ooops. I meant to put a . instead of a ? on that last comment at the end. But, I guess I should have asked you if that was o.k. if I put you under 'please pray for our friends'. Is that o.k.? :)

Anonymous said...

I look and look and look at the pictures, many times. The many charming, touching, fun, precious faces of Zoey. Nothing stops Zoey, she is growing in front of all our eyes. Amazing grace, and grace be with you all. Love and prayers all the hours of the day and night. Christi Harman