Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"Where there is sorrow,there is holy ground."~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
How in the world can I begin to convey to you what the last two days have held?A mere 2 days but in some strange,once again inexplicable way,these days have felt like weeks.Miss Zoey had a most difficult start to round 4.Just as expected,at about hour eight of chemo hitting her system,full force,Zoey let the world know she was none too happy.Nothing could ease the stress and tension and overall agitated state of her body.No soothing words,poorly sung lullabies,or gentle rocking and swaying would help.There was absolutely nothing this mother could do to rescue her precious 2 year old from the horrible side effects from the onslaught of chemicals,necessary chemicals,that were coursing through her veins.I often just stood over her as she tried to give into sleep,and I prayed.That was all I could do.Just pray.Heartbreaking to say the least.Benedryl took the edge off a bit but only time would be the true test.Time and of course Zoey.This child once again powered through this horrendous phase like the amazing warrior she is.Today her smile reemerged and except for some nasty tummy issues, she has gotten into her chemo groove.At 10pm tonight she hit the 48 hour mark and at 10pm Friday night,the chemo portion of round 4 will be complete.Quite the milestone our little love will have reached.So we wait and I marvel and I pause and I remind myself that this is no dream.This is our new identity for now.A family,a child,fighting cancer.Today was a particularly difficult day for other reasons not related directly to Zoey.In fact, difficult doesn't even begin to skim the surface.Gut wrenching news came that our sweet friend Sol Merie,Zoey's little Down syndrome partner in crime,will go home,minus her miracle.It is not meant to be.All this beyond my understanding.The very thing that was suppose to lend itself to cure,having Down syndrome,doesn't seem to have made a difference here.Leukemia has the upper hand and the rest of us are left wondering how can this be possible.Not Sol Merie,the little light that shines for us all on 4E.Tonight, Sol Merie's daddy came and danced with his "two" little girls.Zoey loves him.She nuzzles into his shoulder and never wants to let go.Tomorrow I will have to say good-bye,or as Sol Merie's daddy says,not good-bye,just ... so long.How will I say good-bye to this beautiful family?To Sol Merie?I love this little child.So tomorrow will come and with it, I will come armed with the only thing I seem not to be completely 100% depleted of and that is my faith.Tomorrow,I rise,because I can and my faith and I will walk the very holy ground of CHLA 4E and W.Send your extra prayers of strength and courage along with me, won't you?Because tomorrow I think we are surely going to need them.
*Sol Merie and her daddy and Zoey dancing yesterday.