Wednesday, March 18, 2009

"Where there is sorrow,there is holy ground."~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow






How in the world can I begin to convey to you what the last two days have held?A mere 2 days but in some strange,once again inexplicable way,these days have felt like weeks.Miss Zoey had a most difficult start to round 4.Just as expected,at about hour eight of chemo hitting her system,full force,Zoey let the world know she was none too happy.Nothing could ease the stress and tension and overall agitated state of her body.No soothing words,poorly sung lullabies,or gentle rocking and swaying would help.There was absolutely nothing this mother could do to rescue her precious 2 year old from the horrible side effects from the onslaught of chemicals,necessary chemicals,that were coursing through her veins.I often just stood over her as she tried to give into sleep,and I prayed.That was all I could do.Just pray.Heartbreaking to say the least.Benedryl took the edge off a bit but only time would be the true test.Time and of course Zoey.This child once again powered through this horrendous phase like the amazing warrior she is.Today her smile reemerged and except for some nasty tummy issues, she has gotten into her chemo groove.At 10pm tonight she hit the 48 hour mark and at 10pm Friday night,the chemo portion of round 4 will be complete.Quite the milestone our little love will have reached.So we wait and I marvel and I pause and I remind myself that this is no dream.This is our new identity for now.A family,a child,fighting cancer.Today was a particularly difficult day for other reasons not related directly to Zoey.In fact, difficult doesn't even begin to skim the surface.Gut wrenching news came that our sweet friend Sol Merie,Zoey's little Down syndrome partner in crime,will go home,minus her miracle.It is not meant to be.All this beyond my understanding.The very thing that was suppose to lend itself to cure,having Down syndrome,doesn't seem to have made a difference here.Leukemia has the upper hand and the rest of us are left wondering how can this be possible.Not Sol Merie,the little light that shines for us all on 4E.Tonight, Sol Merie's daddy came and danced with his "two" little girls.Zoey loves him.She nuzzles into his shoulder and never wants to let go.Tomorrow I will have to say good-bye,or as Sol Merie's daddy says,not good-bye,just ... so long.How will I say good-bye to this beautiful family?To Sol Merie?I love this little child.So tomorrow will come and with it, I will come armed with the only thing I seem not to be completely 100% depleted of and that is my faith.Tomorrow,I rise,because I can and my faith and I will walk the very holy ground of CHLA 4E and W.Send your extra prayers of strength and courage along with me, won't you?Because tomorrow I think we are surely going to need them.

*Sol Merie and her daddy and Zoey dancing yesterday.

26 comments:

Kelli said...

God bless you and little Zoey with comfort and strength.

Anonymous said...

Our prayers are with the Needhams and will pray for little Sol Merie and her family also. Zoey is such a little trooper! Precious precious - loved the pics of Zoey and daddy the other day....

Praying from Otisco - Robyn

stephanie said...

oh Heather What in the world can I possibly say. You go through this not only with Zoey but with every other sweet child and family you come into contact with. My heart breaks for Sol Merie and her family, we will keep them in our prayers.Every family that walks in to that hospital must be shrouded in Gods grace first, that's the only way I can imagine any of you getting through a day.We reach out to you today with all our prayers and hope you can feel our hugs.Give your beautiful Princess an extra hug and kiss fron all of us. Stephanie & family

Hope said...

I;m so sorry. My heart is breaking for Sol Merie's family and friends that love and miss her. I'm also so sorry that you have to watch precious Zoey fight so hard.

Thinking and praying,
Hope

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Oh Heather, I am so sorry. Nothing is worse, when fearing for your own daughter's life, than having to say goodbye to little friends. We had to say goodbye so many times... even to kids with Down syndrome. Unfortunately, even they are not infallable to cancer. I HATE Leukemia.
We're praying for you my friend, and for Sol Merie's family. Does she have a page set up anywhere?

Christy said...

Heather,

Oh Heather, are prayers are with you. We have Zoey and the entire Needham family in our daily prayers.

Sol Marie is another beautiful angel, we pray that God sends comfort to her family.

Michelle said...

My dear friend...I weep with you this morning...my heart aches and I too am wishing for understanding in all of this. The ONLY thing that keeps me going is knowing God's love...that's it and that's all...God loves you, Zoey and Sol Merie so very much...you are constantly in his tender care. I pray you have the needed strength in the days following...that the sun will begin to shine for you and your warrior and that a new tomorrow will bring you peace...if not answers, peace...love my friend...all my love!

Lacey said...

Praying extra hard for you today. That you can say goodbye to this sweet angel. That does kill me about a friend Jax had. When I found out, it was to late to get to the hospital. Thats what I regret most, no goodbyes. Praying that her family is strong. And especially praying that sweet Zoey continues to fight hard like the little warrior she is.
Hugs from me and Jax

The VW's said...

My heart breaks when I think of Zoey in pain or not feeling well! It must be so difficult to watch her suffer! Keep fighting sweet Zoey, you are such an inspiration!

My prayers will continue to be with you and now with your sweet friend! I'm so sorry that there is nothing more that can be done for this precious child! Keep your faith, I'll be praying! Hugs!

Junior said...

Keeping Zoey and your family in our prayers. Zoey you are an incredible fighter God comfort you in this hard time and give you strength. You are such an inspiration.

So very sorry to hear about Sol Merie, we will be praying as you say goodbye tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Feel my hand squeezing yours. Praying for courage, with love, Christi Harman

Sweet Angel said...

I think we are about a round and a week ahead of you. I know exactly how you are looking to Friday. I make circles on Kristen's wipe board as to how many days or doses of chemo are left. I can not wait for the last dose of chemo to go in. Kristen finished almost 2 weeks ago with round 5 and we are still in the hospital and the chemo is still making her weaker day by day. Chemo is definately a necessary evil. We are praying for cute Zoey

The Eadle Family said...

I am so sorry Zoey was feeling discomfort, and I am so so sooo sorry for Sol Merie and her family.

By the way, i loved the pictures of Zoey and her daddy. Her smile just lights up the room!

DirtyThirty said...

That post breaks my heart, I just don't understand. Is this little girl relapsing or the chemo just isn't working? Is it ALL? I thought I heard that was harder for our kids to beat. I'm so sorry, doesn't it just hit you like a ton of bricks? It's like it's your own. The past three nights I've dreamt of one of my kids dying. It's just in the air lately. There are no words, only prayers.

On a much, much lighter note, I may be coming to California for the conference in July!!! Email me ... I can't find your email in my new address book. I'm wondering how far you are from the conference.

My new email is careydreambig@gmail.com

Give Miss Zoey smooches from Chelsea!

Karen Owens said...

Fight on little one! Prayers of strength are going out!

heidi marie said...

our prayers are with you, and especially with sol merie and her family. it is so incredibly hard to wrap one's head around why God chooses certain paths for certain people. i can't imagine the trials that you face everyday and i won't pretend to know. you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

scrappy quilter said...

My prayers are for you and your precious Zoey. It breaks my heart
for Sol Merie's family.

MJMILLS said...

yay ive been waiting to c how lil zoey is doing! strong little fighter isn't she!??!?! i hope she feels better, and that all this will be worth it and help in the end! prayers and thoughts your way!

Junior said...

Heather I put a short note at the end of my blog post today asking our blogger friends to keep you all in prayer(I hope this was okay).

Keeping you all in our prayers.
Heidi

Becky said...

I'm so sorry...we will be praying for all of you, and for Sol Marie and her family. God's blessings to you.

Becky said...

We will be praying for all of you, and for Sol Marie and her family. God's blessings to you.

Jeff said...

Heather... we will be there in a few short hours and I cannot wait to give you a hug, and see that precious Zoey!

xoxo
Jo Ann

Krissy said...

My heart shatters for this family and prayers are being said for all of you.

Here's hoping 10pm comes quickly.

[And just a side note, I gave you an award over on my blog]

Jeanette said...

I write this with sorrowful tears. We continue to pray for Zoey and her friends and family. I am sorry to hear about Sol Merie.

Cheri said...

Just heart breaking! Seeing the picture of Zoey and Sol Merie with her dad are so precious...just priceless. I believe I met her when we visited. Absolutely on my knees praying for this family. And for Zoey through this round. It is 11:30 now...so the chemo must be done. I hope she can can get some much needed rest. You too.

Thinking of you!

Hector and Jennifer Varanini Sanchez said...

My heart just aches for you and for Zoey. What you have to go through and endure is just incredible. You are truly an amazing human being blessed with your daughter another amazing human being. My prayers go out to you. Healing prayers for Zoey.