Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How did I ever get to this place?





"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." ~Author Unknown


Last evening I donned,what has been dubbed in our house,my funeral attire.Really actually nothing funny about it,just the fact that I pretty much only own and wear, jeans.Not always the appropriate choice in all circumstances.Last February I needed an outfit,other than jeans, for sweet baby Luke's service.I begrudgingly headed out to Banana Republic, found a light blue tailored mens type shirt and a pair of brown slacks and all the while, hated the reason behind needing to buy a new outfit.I ended up picking out the color combo because Angel Luke had a little outfit that was brown and light blue striped,that I just thought he looked absolutely darling in.My new outfit,picked for my precious,precious little baby friend.

Who would have known that I would come to wear that outfit to 6 other services,childrens services at that, over the course of the last 18 months.With the exception actually of Christopher's... I was a rebel that day and wore my jeans.As a dear friend remarked,Chris wouldn't care,he accepted everyone just as they were.7 funerals in all.Each and every one of them, incomprehensible.

Last night I dressed for Tash.A vibrant,joy spreading,full of life,22 year old young woman.Technically I suppose, not a child but in my eyes,that is how I will always,always see her.Natasia was one of Jessica's dearest childhood friends and she was tragically killed in an accident,a week ago Saturday.Shocking to us all, but most especially for her family.So today,the Lukiewski family must rise and learn to walk this life without their beautiful Tasha.Their faith will carry them and the light and love of Natasia will be their guide.And we,we give all we can in this moment,and that is unending prayers of peace and strength.

On days like today,I stand broken in heart and spirit and ask,"Dear Lord,how did I ever get to this place?"

16 comments:

Kristy said...

Heather~Your words are always so beautiful. It was so nice to see you last night as well as the many "Eagle" girls although the circumstances weren't as I would have wanted our reunion to be. Looking at the girls who I also still see as young kids running amuck on the soccer field, I felt hit by a freight train on the way home and haven't fully recovered since. I don't understand but I suppose we aren't meant to. All of my love and support goes out to Tasha's family and our girls during this time. Tasha has her wings and is going to fly!!

Denise said...

What a beautiful girl!! Child or not, still taken too soon. I am sorry that this has been such a hard 18 month stretch for you. Just remember that somehow or another, you are made stronger by all that you are made to endure. But you also must remember that it is because you are such a wonderful person and friend that you even knew all of these wonderful children. You could have stuffed yourself away in your hospital room and never gotten to those these precious angels. You are amazing!!!!

Tricia said...

That is a lot of loss for one person to go through in 18 months time. You will get through this. I will keep praying for you. May God wrap His arms around you today and comfort you with His unending love.

blogzilly said...

I'm sorry about your loss and obviously cannot imagine how her parents must feel right now.

I read in the obit that it was an off-road accident. Was it a car-flipping sort of thing and what happened to the other kids in the vehicle?

Claudia said...

Moments like this. If I could take some of the sadness, I would do it for you. Nobody will ever tell us in this life why thinks like that happen. It´s so, so sad. On the other hand, it shows us how lucky we should be to have our life and the beauty that is in every new day.

Hugs and kisses, my friend.

Melani said...

I will pray for you and for her family. Beautiful young lady.

The VW's said...

How sad! I'm so sorry for your's and this family's loss! Life can be so sad!

Great quote!.....I just wish it weren't so true!

Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Emma said...

I don't how I could handle all that in a short time. But as someone else said, it shows what a great person you are if you knew so many of these people well, and these things make you stronger in faith.

"It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow."

With both the good and the bad, it can all make a rainbow.

Much love.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I am so sorry about Jessica's childhood friend.
Jessica, I know your heart is heavy right now, but know you have lots of prayers coming your way. Also prayers for all the Needham family and of course for her family

Love & huge hugs,

Great Aunt Bluebelle

Mama Mason-Mann said...

Hugs Heather! I'm so sorry you've been through so much but as Denise said it's in part because of the amazing person that you are that you have gotten to know so many special children out there. I know you're probably not feeling too amazing right now, but you are amazing to me and to so many others. HOping you find some peace.
Amy

Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

We will definately keep this family in our prayers...and yours.

You are starting to make me nervous. Couple of other things I saw in those pictures. Ivey had that same flower toy - and now we can't find it. I have a feeling that I left it at scottish rite. She loved it though. We also have that same angel that is hanging from her crib. Hmmm.

Bea Braun said...

Oh Heather my heart is so heavy...I've been praying for them all week and also for Carly's family who lost their beautiful young daughter. Your words are very inspirational. I think it might be time to burn that outfit!!! Love and strength to Jessica.

Googsmom said...

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

Anna said...

Heather, I am so sorry. I wish I could "fix it" or make it feel better. You remain in my prayers. Hope this "honest Award" Im sharing with you today is okay.....

Kristen's mom said...

I feel I could get on the roof and yell "We've had ENOUGH!"

TheRextras said...

I think we get there because we love. Sending healing prayer.

Barbara