Tuesday, April 27, 2010
How did I ever get to this place?
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." ~Author Unknown
Last evening I donned,what has been dubbed in our house,my funeral attire.Really actually nothing funny about it,just the fact that I pretty much only own and wear, jeans.Not always the appropriate choice in all circumstances.Last February I needed an outfit,other than jeans, for sweet baby Luke's service.I begrudgingly headed out to Banana Republic, found a light blue tailored mens type shirt and a pair of brown slacks and all the while, hated the reason behind needing to buy a new outfit.I ended up picking out the color combo because Angel Luke had a little outfit that was brown and light blue striped,that I just thought he looked absolutely darling in.My new outfit,picked for my precious,precious little baby friend.
Who would have known that I would come to wear that outfit to 6 other services,childrens services at that, over the course of the last 18 months.With the exception actually of Christopher's... I was a rebel that day and wore my jeans.As a dear friend remarked,Chris wouldn't care,he accepted everyone just as they were.7 funerals in all.Each and every one of them, incomprehensible.
Last night I dressed for Tash.A vibrant,joy spreading,full of life,22 year old young woman.Technically I suppose, not a child but in my eyes,that is how I will always,always see her.Natasia was one of Jessica's dearest childhood friends and she was tragically killed in an accident,a week ago Saturday.Shocking to us all, but most especially for her family.So today,the Lukiewski family must rise and learn to walk this life without their beautiful Tasha.Their faith will carry them and the light and love of Natasia will be their guide.And we,we give all we can in this moment,and that is unending prayers of peace and strength.
On days like today,I stand broken in heart and spirit and ask,"Dear Lord,how did I ever get to this place?"