"We never know how high we are, till we are called to rise, and then, if we are true to plan, our statures touch the skies."~Emily Dickinson

Last Monday I packed up the girl wonder and off to school she went.The day went less than perfect,to say the least and I could easily spend this entire post recounting the events,big and small,that went wrong and trust me,a whole lot went wrong but if I chose that route, then the true magic of the day would be lost.The magic that lie in the fact that:THE GIRL WONDER WENT TO SCHOOL.ZOEY WENT TO SCHOOL.

The other day I popped in the first of 2 CD's made by one of Zoey's primary nurses in the NICU.Each of the 30 plus songs,were hand picked by Momma Lindsay,a nickname that was dubbed early on,and still holds true to this very day.Song number one,My Wish,by Rascal Flatts.In one instant I was transported back,3 years,to CHLA'S NICU.In that moment my minds eye saw, with such crystal clarity, my tiny daughter,lines and tubes flowing from all over her precious and new body,and there was the angel sent Lindsay,singing each word of that song to my fragile little love,all the while, ever so gently rocking her,cradled so lovingly in her arms.Tears came without warning as I listened and drove.Chest heaving.And the reality of the road traveled in the last 36 months,became more then my heart could handle but not for the reasons one might think.

I could easily spend this entire post speaking of the unfair hand dealt my daughter.I could dwell and obsess on not only her initial in-utero diagnosis of a complicated heart defect but also the subsequent diagnosis' of Down syndrome,transient leukemia,stroke in-utero,Infantile Spasms and the ultimate chaser:leukemia.I could go on and on about what it is like to watch your child,your flesh and blood,that piece of your heart that lives outside your body, struggle each and everyday to do every, single,solitary thing she does.I could wallow in the uncertainties of the road ahead.Will she walk independently,ever?Will she be able to use both hands and arms purposefully,simultaneously and in unison to perform a task such as dress herself,wash herself,feed herself?Will she talk and be able to communicate her needs and wants and desires?Will she ever eat by mouth again?Will she remain seizure free and cancer free?I could do all this and more.And who would and who could possibly,blame me?

Instead, as I drove,song blaring,I thought of none of that.I seldom actually ever do.On that day my heart was overflowing with pure joy.Joy in the beauty of my tiny survivor.Joy in the gift of sight,not by eye but in perspective,that was bestowed upon me when Someone thought I was capable of being entrusted with this child.That perspective has enabled me to push past the seemingly unfair and flip it to the unworthy.Not in what I may have done wrong but what could I have possibly done right,to be chosen to be the mother of Miss Zoey.

Zoey Grace goes to school now.Three days a week.She has circle time and sits with her classmates during snack time.She finger paints.She plays with her friends.She knows when we pull in the parking lot and her legs begin to wiggle as we sign school and she gentle tugs at her car seat straps letting me know she wants out.We enter her classroom and she wants immediately down from my arms so she can get to her buddies who,by the way, are running circles around her,literally, but she could care less and you know what?Either could I.For my girl,my teacher,my hero, continues to rise ...








*Rained like crazy that first day.Not many pictures.Poor unsuspecting classmate of Zoey's,a darling little guy,didn't know what hit him as Zoey moved like lightning to get at him.Cornered the little guy straight into the bookcase!
*Love the little train they bring the kids out to us in.Zoey thinks it's a kick.
*And .. don't you love her little backpack?Caitlin and Danny gave that to her for her birthday.Perfect for our butterfly.

Lots to catch you up on.Tons of pictures to post of our last week's visit with Mark's mom and his Aunt Bluebelle ... if you are a regular here and read comments, you'll know who I am talking about!One of our biggest supporters and pray senders and we just loved having them here.

As for me ... I am at a crossroads so to speak.Will share more as time goes on.Christopher's death has hit me extremely hard.Trying to process it all and figure out what lies ahead.More to follow ....