Thursday, September 2, 2010

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."~ Seneca

This is going to be a long one.A catch up on the entire crew and a bit of my heart I need to share...

School has begun for the little ones and smiles adorn their precious faces.Even with the trepidation of new schools and knowing they were starting without the security of familiar friends faces,everyone seems genuinely happy.Kids are so resilient.And what more could I ask for?Well,perhaps that Joe re-enter the front door with that same personality that left.You know,Dr.Jekyll was here in the AM and come the afternoon,Mr.Hyde has,without warning, replaced him.As for Miss Zoey,she has picked up where she left, without missing a beat and as you can see from the pictures,is thrilled to be hanging with the old gang.









Taylor has finished her summer camp counselor job and come 3 am,Tuesday morning, we will be saying au revoir,as she boards a plane for the year in Switzerland."au revoir, ... my best lame attempt at french!We will miss her terribly.But this will be, a once in a lifetime,possibly life changing experience for her and it is time she put those capable wings to use.





Matt and Jess are knee deep in stuff.Matt was accepted into paramedic school and began a few weeks ago.He will be unable to continue his EMT job,tomorrow in fact will be his last shift,as I hear,paramedic school is going to kick his butt.Jess is still working at the VA in Los Angeles and will begin coaching the Frosh/Soph and JV soccer teams at Oaks,where she graduated from high school.Sprinkled in between,my high achieving,plate always full girl,has other odd jobs she picks up here and there.She is also beginning to put together her nursing school applications for spring semester.Her hip surgery is still in the appeal process with our oh so pleasant insurance company and in the mean time,not waiting for a decision, is working out furiously,whether she should be or not.As frustrated as I know the two of them are,for having graduated from Pepperdine over a year ago and not working in the "real world",so to speak,we are super proud of them and all that they are accomplishing.As Jessica's quote on facebook says,"God's delay is not God's denial." I feel certain their lives are going to fall beautifully into place before long.



Danny is busy putting together his application packages for grad school next year.He will graduate from UCSD next June and from there he Cait and Charlotte,will either stay in San Diego for their master's program or they will head to UCLA or San Luis Obispo to Cal Poly.Wherever they end up,I know they too will continue doing the amazing job they are right now and their future is definitely brimming with great hope and endless possibility.



And as for Marky,Mark ... working his tail off.Thank goodness for the ever consistent presence of reality TV in these tough economic times,as his industry,more specifically his company has felt little of that pinch.Overtime has been cut way back and as much as we miss it,we hadn't come to depend on it.We feel blessed for his job stability and security over the last several years of our roller coaster lives.I wish he took more time for himself and I do wish we took more time for each other.We seem to come dead last in the hierarchy of things.That really has to change.Which brings me to this blog ...

I love this blog.I love what it has brought to my life.More importantly I love WHO it has brought into my life.This blog began at one of the lowest, most darkest times of my life,seizures days, and has sustained me straight through my little loves journey with leukemia and beyond.This blog has strengthened me and forced me to put one foot in front of the other,countless times when life seemed heavier than I could have ever imagined.When I needed a place to vent and share and cry and rejoice,this blog was the go to place.It is not that this blog has run it's course completely but change is beckoning.As much as a private blog was calling my name,I now know in my heart,that I could never do justice to two sacred spaces.So I will continue this blog but I have prayerfully decided to cut back.I can't articulate completely where life has dumped me in this particular moment,perhaps it is indeed a mini mid-life crisis,but I need to turn my focus to the tangible in my life.That again is not meant to diminish the friendships I have found and formed here,on the contrary.I want to be able to give completely and authentically to my blogfamily and in this moment,I find,I am just not able to do it.To those of you who blog and facebook,you know how much time can be eaten up in this world.My laptop sits in my kitchen and I wander to it numerous time a day,"just to check in for a minute".If you have an obsessive personality,online stuff,sucks you in and drains valuable time.At least for me.In a blink of an eye,hours can pass and it is certainly not wasted time but it does cut into other aspects of life and right now I need to change my focus.I need to nurture my tiny nuclear family here.I need to reconnect with old and dear friends.Go to coffee.Perhaps meet for breakfast now that I have all three in school for a block of time.I need to take care of me.I miss running.I look at my yoga mat that has gathered dust on my closet shelf for the last year and I need to yank that down and put it to use.I need to get out into my community and give my time and talent.Even if it is an hour here or there.I need to sit down and make blankets,at least one, each week so I am not waiting until literally the 11th hour to pull off an impending delivery.I need to process the loss of my parents in my life and consequently my siblings and be content and peaceful with the course my life has taken with them and because of them.I need to process the life and death I have witnessed over the last 2 years.As I said goodbye to sweet Angel baby Luke's parents,his brother and sister, last evening,who are moving to Seattle,I realized all the more,the importance of living fully each and every one of our moments with those we hold dearest.I need to find balance.Don't we all crave that?I know for certain that I thrive on it.And in the end I believe, whole heartedly, that the small changes I make, will in turn lend themselves to less stress and more joy.

I am not abandoning ship.I will be around.Maybe a post every week or so.I will still check in on your precious children,who have changed me and blessed me for the better.Most especially all our fragile buddies,who struggle each day and whose courage has taught me that I can overcome everything and anything that comes my way because of their beautiful example of living.Don't get me wrong,blogging is not a chore.It is an absolute gift but for now I need to move with the ebb and flow of my life.And to those of you who can do this blogging/facebook thing and still give to the other parts of your life fully,more power to you.Whatever is your trick,do share.Simplify perhaps.Maybe as I post again,it will be quick one liners and cute shots of the kids and life.Who knows.But what I know for sure is how blessed am I,that finds myself,my family,finally in a place,that I can get lost in the mundane and monotony of everyday living.These are the days for sure.Days that are still filled and will always be filled, with a child who requires a great deal,even more than some of her chromosomally enhanced counterparts. As well as my other children who are all in various stages of their full lives.It's all beautiful and I am being gently nudged towards an unknown place and destination.I think I need to acknowledge that nudge.Something tells me,like other times in my life,God is indeed behind it. Time for me to live what I write and etch all of my memories deep within my heart,so in the end, I can say, I did it all,with very few regrets.Peace and love to you all ....

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life."- Robert Louis Stevenson

27 comments:

Tina said...

You know Heather I so get what you are saying and can't support you more in your decision...providing to do stop in now and then even if it's to post a picture of your "our" little love. Blogging is great but just as you said it's so easy to get sucked in and before you know it valuable time is lost. That is probably why I just don't get around to blogging as much as I would have liked, once I'm online it's very hard to stop and then I start feeling very guilty for taking that time away from my family.

It's wonderful that you are in a place today where you can actually get lost in the mundane monotony of everyday living, isn't that just great, just perfect after everything you have been through. I think sometimes boring everyday stuff (not that life is ever everyday stuff with Special Needs kids around) but you know what I mean is just what you need. It gives us time to enjoy the moment and the special gift of what each day brings. I hope this gives you some me-time as well and some time with Mark as well.

But I will be waiting to get updates every now and then and definitely need photos of Zoey, she is growing so fast and there are so many changes I wouldn't want to miss any of them. Enjoy your time with the family and friends and make some beautiful memories for yourself, you certainly deserve it.

Denise said...

And we probably should shorten some of our phone calls too :) But I do agree that the balance is what is most important. Caring for ourselves, caring for our families and still caring for our blog friends would be ideal to me as each has so much importance in my life. I hope that you will find balance in your life and of course I hope you still do some posting....even if it is just a few quick photos and a couple of lines.

Rochelle said...

Peace and love to you too. Thanks for the update on everyone & most especially you!
Screen time can take up way too much time in all our lives. Glad you are focusing on the important!

Devon said...

Hugs and love to you and your precious family. I look forward to reading your updates, and pray for the best for you!

Anonymous said...

It is time for you to think about you!! Your family has come soooo far in the last couple of years, with you and Mark bringing up the rear, pushing up that hill and now you can stand tall at the top, look around, take in the scenery and possibley "relax". I'll still check in daily to see if there is a one liner or pics of the family - which I so love seeing how they grow so fast - but certainly understand - you need time for you, now that it has been made available. CONGRATULATIONS on a superior job well done!!

Robyn from Otisco Lake

Kele@ said...

"to live what I write", my favorite part and really all that needs to be said. I am so happy and proud of you H. Mainly cuz I know how hard it is for you to do this because you care for so many in this blogging community and I know you feel like you have stay submerged in everyones life and well being, because of your love for them.
I too have had this same personal realization, as reflected in my major decrease in posts, I don't even facebook and I know how much of my time went to blogging when I posted 3 and 4 times a week.
So, I will end this comment the same way I started it, because it truly does say it all...
"to live what I write"

P.S.
And I'm not gunna really miss ya, cuz this only means we will need to actually 'talk' more!! loveU

Bea Braun said...

Beautiful words Heather. You have a gift and in many ways reading your blog has been like reading a novel. A novel filled with raw emotion, humor, great love, sacrifice, fear, hope, and amazing faith. Just a thought but with all your "free" time you should write a book or maybe a screenplay :)

Love the pictures of the kids at school. Zoey is completely in her element and she is blossoming!

Lacey said...

Sorry friend, but I've read that from you a few times, that you are going to cut back! I have to tease you and say we'll see! Look at your children, doing so much, they must make you so proud. I've never met such a wonderful, kind family!

stephanie said...

You're killing me. i mean that in the best way.

I so know what you mean about the laptop in the kitchen. I check in so many times during the day it's just crazy. Especially if someone isn't doing well or is in the hospital.

I'm Ok with your decision as long as you don't vanish. Leave me a comment now and then and I'm content.

just keep us current on Miss Z and family. This only means I'll email you more often, hey and if your not blogging as much maybe a phone call instead??

Love to you all!!!!!

btw, your kids are all so amazing!!!!!! Every one of them finding their own beautiful way.

Becca said...

Wow, you've got an amazing family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break and doing things for *you*. You totally deserve it. Good luck to you, and I hope you'll check in from time to time. :-)

tish said...

You will always be an inspiration to me, Heather. I will forever see Thomas through the smiles, eyes, heart and soul of your (my) beautiful Zoey.

I enjoyed our short visit last Wednesday. We will make the time to do that again!

In the meantime, enjoy the mundane monotony of everyday living with your current, blessed crew of 11 !!

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Well said and thought out Heather. Kudos to you. Thanks for the awesome photos and updates. Still will check everyday to see if there is an update. I've been thinking about Joe, hoping and praying that school is awesome for him this year.

And perfect that you and Mark hopefully plan on doing a few things together. Wish I were closer to came over and let you two have a "nite out". You definitely deserve it! Actually Granma Barb & I would come as team! (Joe, Jake, Barb & I would have some awesome "uno" games, with Miss Zoey sitting right at the table too) If only we could...

Love & hugs from the East Coast

Aunt Bluebelle

Anonymous said...

Oh, how much more productive I would be if I didn't have internet access. Unfortunately, there is no moderation in my world.

Enjoy your "time off." With as much as you have going on, I can definitely understand the need to unplug to some extent! Looking forward to whatever updates you can and want to provide.

Mo

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

Boy do I feel you on the time suck that the blog world can be! I love it dearly, but I also frequently realize how much else I should be doing. I just love all these kiddos and haven't been able to even cut back. Maybe I need to cut out a few a week, but how do you pick which ones? Too hard!!!!

Good luck with rejoining the "real" world and we look forward to hearing any updates we get!

Elizabeth said...

Beautiful post, Heather -- and I wish you much peace and contentment as you make your changes.

Love to you, too. I will be checking in, hoping to keep in touch --

Cammie Heflin said...

I'm not sure if I want to smile or cry.

Anonymous said...

I am looking forward to sharing that coffee or breakfast with you finally. While I will miss checking in on the Needham's each morning I will now just need to stop by or call to get caught up. Okay by me.

kathleen

another mama said...

While I would love to selfishly say, "No don't pull back". I cannot do that. I am so thankful that you have shared your precious family with so many that you do not know and will most likely never meet. I am thankful for the inspiration it has brought, and the chance to see God's hand at work in precious Zoey. I'm glad that you're taking time to do what you need to do for yourself and those you love. The internet is definitely a double-edged sword. While I will miss your frequent posts, I completely understand what you are doing. I will continue to check in from time to time to see how your kiddos are doing. And you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

scrappy quilter said...

Friend, I totally understand. Hugs

thepiersolfamily said...

Heather,
Since I met you, you have been an example mother to me-time after time after time in so many different ways. And this time I love that you see when something needs to change, and you get to work on fixing it. I'm totally behind you. I miss you in Seattle already. Xoxoxo laura

Googsmom said...

I love you Heather!!

Reagan Leigh said...

I have to admit...I'm going to miss my updates. You are such an eloquent writer. I love hearing about Zoey, but I also love all the pics and hearing about all of your other beautiful children. You've been stretching yourself so thin for a while...I sure hope you do take some time for yourself. You SO deserve it. Please stay in touch my dear friend. Lots of love...Tera

cheekyradish said...

Totally understand... hope that you will pop in and update. I'd miss that little smile, if I didn't get to see it from time to time!

Kele@ said...

Hmmmmf! Not sure that I like this 'break' your takin after all!
Already missin ya so I guess a call is in order this week!

Michelle said...

Just finished my swimming to shore, simplifying my life, trying to find my way back to the things I lost so long ago....I know what you mean in a sense. It is necessary at times to realign, reconnect with things lost, like that yoga mat:) and just be for a while, but your posts still make me smile, still bring a peace to my heart and still keep me going! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

My little girl Cammie was going thru treatment for leukemia after Zoey. I found your blog so comforting! Please update us once in awhile about your beautiful family. Your blog helped me to get thru the worst period of my life! Wish I lived closer to meet for coffee ( I am in NJ). All the best,
nancy

Melissa M said...

The internet is a huge time suck for me too. I can barely keep my blog updated, let alone keep up with all our online friends (which is why you've gotten multiple comments from me today!). I love all of our kiddos so much, and want to stay updated, but I've realized that I just can't do it, work and keep up with Claire. So, while I'm going to miss the frequent posts and pictures, I'll be looking forward to updates. And, to be honest, that means I'll probably be able to keep up with reading your posts now. ;)