Thursday, May 10, 2012

All better now ...

  The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.  ~ Buddha

No reason relevant to this post to place this here. Just a sweet picture of my girl at the Mother's Day Tea at school this morning. She is just so flipping darling. And just SO HAPPY and, I fall more in love with this child with each passing day.

So grateful for the outpouring of comments and emails and texts and little presents that arrived in the mail, at just the right time. All of it, just proving that I am surrounded by, virtual and otherwise, the most incredible friends and family, I could ever hope for. Really and truly.


My time away was nice. That is once I got over the waves of panic attacks that hit me all morning and drove me to almost not going altogether.  No joke.  However, the peace and solitude was eventually a welcomed and much needed respite. Strange at first, seeing I have never been away by myself, and  by the time I got use to it, it was time to turn around and come  home. But while I was away I managed to spend a few hours on the beach and just listened to that rhythmic and healing rush of the ocean waves. I read more than I have in forever. I ate yummy food at restaurants, all by my lonesome. And I was okay with that.  Went to the movies. And, lost myself in some mindless TV ... like 'Storage Wars' ... it was like a train wreck that I just could not look away from and  watched far too many back to back episodes, losing precious time that could have been spent otherwise ....  like sleeping. But oh well, kinda what the time was meant for. Just doing whatever I wanted to do, with no distractions and interruptions and guilt thinking I should be doing something else .. like cleaning toilets.

Which I did before I left of course. But does that surprise anyone that knows me?? Before I walked out the door, the house was clean, the laundry baskets were all empty, the refrigerator stocked and a pan of brownies baked. I have problems. I really do. But you know what? I don't know how else to be. And really, on most days, I wouldn't wish to be any other way.

Everyone survived my absence and once I walked in the front door, life picked up where it left off.  And that is a beautiful thing, as life in our home has been filled with such complexities on so many different levels, for so long, that it is important to stand back and see the beauty that abounds even amongst the chaos. It is just that the beauty becomes clouded on some days. Life is far from perfect and I, I am far, far from perfect. I think as I approach 48 in a few months, it would be wise to lower some of my expectations. Of myself, as well as of others. I am a continual work in progress. One of my many mantras.


So many other things to share  but it looks like each thing might just warrant a few separate posts, and for now, just do not have the time. Danny graduates from USC tomorrow, which is the huge news around here. We are beyond proud of him. Masters in engineering at a absolutely hard core academic school. Fast tracked it in a year AND has worked full time  AND has been an incredible daddy and father along the way. Did I happen to mention he is not quite 23? Not that age should be a factor necessarily but seriously, the boy blows me away.  Celebration of that is all day and will continue into the weekend and then Sunday, Joe makes his 1st Communion. Which is Mother's Day and brunch will be here. Throw in a plethora of other little tid bits, like Joe having a rescheduled soccer game on Sunday that he refuses to miss. In fact, he wondered if he should just put on his soccer uniform under his 1st Communion clothes. Only Joe would seriously contemplate that.


Whew. I think  I might need another weekend away before long, don't you?

I'll be back ...


Kristin said...

Sounds refreshing!!

colleen said...

Sounds like a wonderful get away. I did the same thing when my kids were 18mos and 3yrs... called my husband from the shower, in tears and said "I need to get away" now! He stayed home w/ the kids, me to the Marriott up the road, doing much the same as you, reading,more reading, eating out alone, not sleeping, etc. So many people laugh when i tell the story - but I learned of this quick "escape plan" thru my child development teacher who had twins and is very wise. So glad it worked and welcome back!BTW can you send some of that OCD my way, please?

stephanie said...

you went away! Holy cow! Alone! Wow! Good for you!

Kisses to Joe from all of us!! Love his idea, but don't tell him;)

i had a brunch for Andrew's Communion last Saturday, best idea ever.
And congrats to Danny!!! Smartie Pants!

Carolyn said...

I remember when Daniel and Melody were small I went away for 24 hours to a hotel about 30 minutes from home. I ate at Red Lobster, read a good book, and slept in. My daughter tried to keep me from going by saying to me, "when you're not here daddy puts Daniel in the garbage can." She was that desperate!

Glad you did it and enjoyed yourself! Your family sounds wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the weekend was good for you Heather. Sleeping is not one of your easy things - so how could you possibly do that "on command" to your body! Place looks very, very nice.

Love the photos of Zoey Grace at her "tea party" - She is such a social butterfly

Congrats to Danny - Wow - one year and he accomplished all that.

And Joe - I burst out laughing, but then thought - hey Joe good idea there - Be prepared....

Big, big weekend ahead at the Needham household. Enjoy and um Heather - Mother's Day and you are doing the brunch? Mother of six? - But then that's Heather we're talking about. (And you questioned Joe's actions) Love it.


Ps I'm sure those "girls" have something up their sleeves for Mother's Day!

- Happy Mother's Day to Caitlin too!!

Anonymous said...

opps forgot to mention - love, love Zoey's braids! She's looking more & more grown up...

Still chuckling over Joe's clothing idea!

Aunt Bluebelle

Elizabeth said...

I love the photos of Zoey -- she is so darling and filled with sunshine. As for First Communion on Mother's Day -- what in the hay is that about?

Peter Olson said...

Thank you for sharing your life story.
Reading your words takes me on an emotional roller coaster ride every time.
Happy ~ Sad ~ Joyful ~ tearful ~ on the top of the world ~ tears of joy ~ ...
(I could go on and on, but you get the point.)
Ha! Ha!

I have to wonder:

If you could make a photo album that included images of all the beautiful smiles you have seen in your lifetime, how big and wonderful would that album be, and how fun it would be to page through it.

Love & hugs

Becca said...

I'm SO glad you got to go away for a couple of days. Knowing that it did you so much good is such a relief! I know it doesn't make things perfect, but peace of mind and body can put so much into new perspective. But you already know that.

Zoey's smile has just made my day. Thank you for that. So grown up in braids!


krlr said...

We're doing something very similar this weekend. In laws are watching the kiddos and Matt & I are going to talk about something other than schedules. I don't even feel all that guilty (which I should probably feel more guilty about).

Big relaxing sigh & stretch.

Also - I'm the one outlier in a family of engineers, all types. What's Danny's masters in? Congratulations!

Rochelle said...

So glad you got away and got refreshed!