The picture on Instagram was of the oh so beautiful Miss Gwendolyn. Inspiration behind the incredible non-profit, The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. I love her dearly, as well as her mom and dad and am in awe of all the amazing things they are doing to facilitate the eradication of the deadly disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy, or SMA, through GSF. Today they posted a picture of Miss Gwendolyn with a whole slew of hashtags and the one that jumped out at me was: #gratefulforeverydamnday.
I paused as I read it and thought, you know what, I really do live that. At least I really and truly try to. And sure, daily there may be things that tend to over shadow that sense of gratitude but at the end of that day, I sit back and despite all of it, despite the struggles and sadness and sorrow, gratitude prevails. And maybe it prevails because of the struggles and sadness and sorrow.
I am tired. And worn. And a bit broken. Those are simple truths to my days lately. I sometimes fear what my tomorrows will bring. Especially where Zoey, in all her fragility, is concerned. But those fears do not dictate my days. I can't let them. And when it comes to her, I find myself gazing at her and marveling in her being. I feel privileged and honored to be caring for her. That she was entrusted to me, has been a gift. One of the greatest, if not THE greatest, of my life. And I am so, so beyond grateful for every damn day with her and for this life of mine. The beautiful things are the things that remain. The good and the gratitude, always, always rise to the top.
Some other things from which gratitude flows.
My other sidekick, Charlotte. She is my little shadow. My buddy. And I adore being her Mimi.
Her parents. Who continue to guide us with their remarkable strength. They shouldn't have to and I don't want them to, and its unfair that they are but they do. So we follow.
And her baby sister, and their precious love. Who is never far from us.
Night runs. They have been far and few between the last 2 months, but when they come, they are a welcomed release from all that weighs me down.
Hot baths. Nightly. Almost with out fail over the last 10 weeks or so. An escape. I read. And think and run the water SO hot that it's almost as if I am purging all the ugliness that the day might have held.
Monthly arrival in the mailbox. The girls gave me a subscription to Birchbox for Christmas. For a year, a little box filled with surprise pampering things arrives at my doorstep. How fun is that?
Date nights with a certain 12 year old boy who doesn't like having his picture taken but still likes hanging with his old mom.
And, an older girl who also doesn't mind inviting her old mom along to a concert. We had so much fun. I felt like I was 20 again, instead of the nearly 50 that I am.
Memories. A few things from my baby book and letters sent to me at camp. Remembering my mom. Missing her more and more as we inch ever closer to the one year anniversary of her death. Surreal. Even more so as the months have gone by. Not sure how that is. Watching my dad endure these days, literally hurts my heart. My pain and missing, nothing compared to his.
And finally, one of my favorite places from our Yosemite trip. Happy Isles. I was happy there. And relaxed. There was an indescribable peacefulness about that place. The constant running water maybe. Hard to say. But one thing I know, we cannot wait to go back.
And you, if you care to. Share something you might be grateful for. Always wonder who's out there still. Last month hit 5 years since I started this blog. Crazy amount of time to devote to this but grateful. Grateful for this little space. It has been a lifeline over the years. Comment if you wish. If not, thats okay too. I'll still write. For now. Till I decide that it's been a good run.
Not done yet. Not quite.