Friday, May 9, 2008

Dealing with the aftermath

There is a bit of a lull in the craziness for the moment so I thought I would give those wondering, a quick update. Although no post of mine seems to ever be quick once I get started. Little Miss Zoey first. She is alright. Not bad, not great. Just alright. Extremely tired. We think it is because she is coming off the high dose of ATCH and her body is saying, "HELLO, I am exhausted from weeks and weeks of nothing that resembled sleep!" The new epileptic drug does have a sedative component to it but since we just started it last night that probably has no bearing at this point. We will most likely hit that in a few days. To be honest, as much as I do not want her laid out so to speak with a drug, I will welcome some respite to her body for some much needed rest. She did have another seizure this morning. Nothing too terrible that we could tell but any seizure is pretty terrible at this point. She is stingy with her smiles. They are few and far between. You can just tell she feels like garbage. My heart continues to ache for her and it is my humble opinion that she should really be cut a break. Why is it I feel that just is not in the cards any time soon? The rest of us? Managing. Caitlin was holding her when she had that first nasty seizure the other night and I felt so bad she had to experience that. She is okay now but it truly took a toll on her. Mark is Mark. Trying to be optimistic for me. Trying to be strong for me. He remarked to me the day before this latest fiasco, that it is not that he doesn't feel the same things I do, or think the same things I think but he said if both of us were in the same place where would we be? Unselfish of him. Then reality hit as I saw him with Zoey in their favorite spot, the shower, sobbing and telling her how much he loved her. That just about killed me to witness. Finances continue to plague us, so that is added stress to him. Thank goodness he loves his job, works for a great company that is very understanding but ....... it is still Hollywood with demanding clients , show deadlines and ungodly hours. He so wants to be home more but it is just going to happen. But no complaints from Mark. Ever. He just keeps doing what he's got to do. The kids. Jess just finished up her Jr. year at Pepperdine and is now living with a few friends in a townhouse. I miss her daily presence in the house now that school is out. But at the same time am so happy that she is happy. Continuing to spread her wings the way it is suppose to be. Caitlin just finished up her freshman year of college and continues to balance life in spectacular fashion as usual. Proud beyond words of that child. I hope I tell her that enough. Taylor is getting ready to wind down her junior year of high school. She just finished taking her SAT'S and her AP tests. Should be relatively smooth sailing the rest of the year and then , yikes, college applications before long. She also is juggling school, her job and life so effortlessly. They all are enthralled by their younger siblings beyond any words I can come up with. Miss Zoey the object of most of their adoration as of late. They too are full of worry for her but seem to be handling it fairly well. The boys. Boys will be boys. Some more then others, Joe being the focus of that statement. But all in all just trying to let them be as little effected by the most recent events as possible. Me. Well, I am far better then most would have thought this time around. I almost expected it. I find it better to expect the worst and be thrilled if it turns out otherwise. That does not mean I am not mad, sad, angry, scared, stressed and quite frankly really fed up with Zoey getting nailed with yet another thing. But I am handling it. I remember someone saying to me as we were winding down to last weeks of the ACTH, "There is a light at the end of the tunnel" Well, it caused me to recall that very same statement I read on a "ZOEY"S FRIENDS" blog ........ same beginning however the end part had a twist. "There is a light at the end of the tunnel but I had no idea it was a train. " Well, a full on locomotive just hit me and maybe, just maybe, I will survive.

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