Thursday, September 18, 2008
"The Butterfly counts not months but moments,And has time enough." Rabindranath Tagore
How often have we all said that there is not enough time in the day?I certainly have.Maybe even as recently as the other morning.As I move at an insane pace through my days, it is a wonder that as much gets accomplished as it does.I have been blessed,or cursed,by a body that seldom rests. I require little sleep to function at a level that allows me to tackle the tasks at hand necessary to get the job done of running this house and raising these children.I can say with 100 % confidence that the last time I took a nap was MAYBE when I was pregnant with Zoey in the early horrific morning sickness days.At that, it was a tip my head back and doze of for 10 minutes kind of nap.Don't get me wrong.I love to sleep.When my head hits the pillow,it hits hard.I think the extreme sleep deprivation of the last 18 months allows me to sleep soundly,even when emotional stress should have very well kept me up with worry.The idea of sitting on the couch and watching The Ellen Show or Oprah,totally foreign to me. I have not,I would venture to say, seen one of those shows in it's entirety.Again,don't get me wrong. I yearn for down time.Relaxing moments.Perhaps a spa day.Just not in the cards around here. The reality of that was fairly obvious yesterday.Crazy day.The details of which I will not bore you with. Just suffice it to say I could be heard uttering, "I am WAY too old for this!", a number of times. 15 years ago when I was in the midst of raising the "older"set of children,it was crazy.Today,raising the "younger"set,well,chaotic AND crazy.Why,well,because ...... I am 15 years older! But as quickly as I set it on the shoulders of being harder because I am older,I can just as quickly say it is EASIER because I am older. Mark and I have often said that we are not better parents when it comes to the younger 3,we are just different. We have the benefit and beauty of having passed this way before.When others have thought it unfathomable that we would venture back into child rearing when there was that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel,we chose to turn that train around and ride it again.We have never regretted it. Ever.The joys the second time around have been sweeter because we also have chosen to pay closer attention to them.That is not to say ours joys were not in abundance back then but we did not have the hindsight to know to savor them a little while longer.Hold them a little closer. Because, as we have seen by the incredible rate at which time as flown by,the girls are more then on their way to building their own separate and independent lives.Finding joys of their own.Sometimes, as I eavesdrop at one of the schools or at church or at the park,I have this urgency to interject my pearls of wisdom to some of the stressed out moms I am listening to.I want so much to tell them that all will be right in the world. That their children will survive the nightmare 2nd grade teacher they landed this year. That little Billy will not be sleeping in your bed when he is 18.That Susie will learn to tie her shoes and ride her bike just like little Annie, her new best friend.All of these and so much more will fall into place.I guarantee it.I want to tell them to slow down and that Davey doesn't need to go to Kumon,karate, soccer,art lessons AND piano.Stressed out moms will yield stressed out kids. Do I have it all figured out?Not a chance.Will I screw up and need to put probably just as much money into the little ones therapy jars?Yep.However,I am taking just a little more time to slow down and breathe in the moments because I do know how very quickly it goes. My gift of appreciation of time has not only come from the raising of 3 grown daughters,it has also come in the form of my tiniest daughter. The little soul who's precious face greets me each and every morning. Who's constant struggles have taught me that time comes crashing in with giant unexpected tidal waves and then just as quickly flows back out in calm ripples.Her innocent acceptance of time and it's often unfair and unwelcome circumstances it brings with it,has allowed me to appreciate the fragility of it all.Yesterday was long and arduous but at least it was here. As Joe and Zoey and I sat at the park watching Jake's soccer practice, I looked at my three younger ones and soaked in the moment. I watched their carefree little bodies take in the wonderment of their world.I thought of my older girls and hoped that they hadn't noticed that I failed to pause my continual body of motion quite enough as I should have, to move in their world along side them more. I tried.I hope they know that.I still have much to learn about this time thing.I need to make friends with it.Peace with it.I found this other quote that I just loved:"There are few human beings who receive the truth,complete and staggering,by instant illumination.Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment,on a small scale,by successive developments,cellularly,like a laborious mosaic."Anais Nin .My mosaic continues to be a work in progress but I am beginning to see, with some clarity, the essence of truth as it applies to my piece of this complicated but beautiful world.