From the inside looking out ......

On some days, when the kids are out front playing with the other neighborhood children and I am not able to be outside with Zoey because housework is beckoning me, I place her in her saucer thingy and let her observe the melee ensuing. Zoey loves being an observer. She absolutely soaks in all that surrounds her. Like a sponge. All the crazy chaotic happenings. She is extremely connected to the world around her and I know she is taking in far more then I could ever imagine. Today I captured this picture. This moment. First of all, I loved how Lola was sitting beside Zoey, peering out into forbidden territory with her. Kindred spirits for that moment. This certainly is not often Lola's mode of operation where Zoey is concerned either. Too close for Lola's comfort most of the time. Except for today. After I took the picture I stood back for a moment, set down my camera and crossed the kitchen floor to go out and sit along side my angel girl and view life from her perspective. The second I sat down, she turned in my direction and flashed me that trademark Zoey smile. I told her how much I loved her and then the tears came, just like that. Unexpected and without warning. I realized at that moment, that this picture I captured, could sum up how I feel Zoey's life can often be. We hear the saying, "from the outside looking in" but in Zoey's case I see it in reverse. I watch her look wide eyed as the children cross in fluid, rapid motion before her. So close in proximity, arms reach really but so far away on so many different levels. Many of the children are years older then her but two little girls are just that, barely 2.Not much older than Zoey but a world away,a galaxy,when it comes to what they can do and what they understand.A wide spectrum, with huge discrepancies on how all three interact in the very same world.These two little girls, might as well be years, not months older. The girls wander over and approach the gate from time to time, stick their tiny little arms through the gate and in unison say,"baby".Yeah,sort of.They pause,quickly pet the puppy and off they go.The lure of the adjoining bedlam no match for a girl and her dog.Zoey's little head continues to turn feverishly back and forth trying to keep up with the constant activity before her.Her little body shudders and shakes,full of excitement just watching.She is perfectly content.I sometimes, am not.Will this be the way it is always?An observer.Watching as things pass her by.As all the children just pass her by.She is truly in her own little world.What must go on in her precious mind,inside,as she looks out into the world that just keeps going by?Sad?Yes,today,in that moment I was sad.She of course was not.Is not.I want so much for the world to stop and wrap it's arms around her and carry her with it,where ever the winds and tides and roads lead.I wanted to say,hey,kids come here,come pay attention to this sweet little girl that would just love to run along side you but can't.Not today. The key for me is to believe that some day she will.That my faith will allow me to continue to believe that His plan, for her, is one I in fact cannot question. But rather proceed with the utmost confidence that His plan is the perfect plan.There was another mom today,three thousand miles away choosing to believe,when humanness would be telling most to ask,what is the point?And still yet another mom this evening,who should have been in bed but instead was calling,to talk for a few minutes about another emotionally exhausting day.I know for certain she too is choosing tonight to believe in purpose and plans."For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord."plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future."Jeremiah 29:11 I have got to believe this.I just have to.One day perhaps it will not be about outsiders looking in or even still, others gazing from within their vantage place out towards seemingly untouchable corners of the very same world.Instead a middle ground,a meeting place.Common ground.Different but so very much the same.