Friday, October 31, 2008

Another Day ....

After one am.I am exhausted.Physically and emotionally.I feel as if I am walking someone else's life.Watching my child endure this is far harder than I expected.She is already so not herself.Two days of surgeries.No sleep.The beginning of chemo.They put in her port.Much easier for draws.They also did a lumbar puncture.With the belief that the puncture COULD introduce cancer cells into the spinal fluid,two forms of chemo were administered via her spinal fluid.She remained restless the entire day.Unable to give into sleep.No smiles.Just wiped out.FINALLY around 8:30 I really felt that she was is pain.They began a little morphine.Seemed to settle her a bit.Her heart rate is up as well as a slight fever.Probably chemo related.But they have to make sure so they drew blood to eliminate the possibility of blood infection as well as are checking her far blood culture are showing negative.We will see about the urine.Tomorrow or I guess today,the real 1st round begins.Nothing unexpected.She has been officially diagnosed with AML M7.common for Down syndrome and children born with her type of blood disorder.Nothing surprising there.I cannot believe I am here.We are here.Such a sad floor.I want to run away with her.Take her home.Let her roll around the floor.Lie in her own bed.See her brothers and sisters that so desperately miss her.I don't know what else there is to report.No words.Hardly any prayers in me.However I do find myself ,without be conscious of it,praying each and every time I am holding her.Praying for God to guide her and carry her through this.Please pray for a text book course for her.Few, if any problems or complications.I selfishly believe she deserves no less.I find it hard to not be angry and bitter.Mostly I am terrified for what lies ahead.Thank you all for you kind words and support.This is going to be a long haul.Please stay with us.I feel abandoned in so many ways.Losing peoples support and prayers along the way would be more than I could bare.I need people to do my praying for me.I just can't do it.not now.Pray for Zoey.My heart is so heavy for this child.Unable to see clearly, purpose.So very sad.


Mia hat eins mehr said...

Dear Heather, you all are always in my mind these days. What you have to go through, it`s all so unfair. It`s horrible to see the little ones like this, I know. I put a special candle for Miss Z at Mias place today. And yes,I will pray an extra prayer - one from me and one from you because I can imagine it`s hard to keep the faith. Little do I know, but I am sure the lord will carry you and your strong faith will come back and give you all the strenght you need to deal with the situation. You know that you have to AND you will be strong for the little one. I hope you can stay with Zoey and can get everything organized. If I could do anything for you...I wish I could.

Love, big hugs

Danette said...

I'm thinking and praying for you, Zoey, and your whole family all day. every day. I put Zoey's name on the World Day of Prayer on Thanksgiving (Guideposts family).I hope you know how many people love you and are praying for you all. I hope it gives you some strength. Really wish my mother was here to watch the kids, I'd be on a plane in an instant to give you some relief with the household tasks, daily turmoil. I love you, wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you - Danette

Anonymous said...


I am here from Larkin's Place. I am praying for strength and asking God to carry you when you do not have the strength to keep going. I am also praying for your beautiful Miss Zoey to have an easy time and a perfect response to her treatment. I am so very sorry that she has to go through this as well as everything she has already endured. I will continue to keep you in my prayers for as long as you need them.

Ami G.

Christy said...


My heart aches for you and I am so sorry. Our entire family is praying for Zoey...we will continue to pray for God to give you and Mark the strength you need to get through each day. We are praying that God heals Zoey and she gets excellent medical care. We will not stop praying

just jean said...

We are sending our prayers on your behalf constantly. Doesn't it feel like you're in a small boat cascading down a river, unable to control or get out of the river? I've had that feeling. But....your friends and family ARE the boat that is carrying you, even though none of us know the direction of the river. But we believe your boat will eventually find a soft landing, happily.

And, try to get some sleep yourself. You need strength, too. Praying for a safe journey . . .

grammygwen said...

Heather, I just found your blog yesterday.I will be praying for Zoey and all of you. I understand what you are going through. My grand daughter Chloe had AML.
This was in my daily devotional this morning and I thought that I would pass it on to you. It is by Billy Graham.
Prayer Partners with God
The Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26
Have you ever faced a situation that was so overwhelming or so confusing you didn't even know how to pray about it? Have you ever been so overcome with grief or burdened by heartache you couldn't put your emotions into words-- much less pray about them?
What a comfort these words should be: "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us ... in accordance with God's will" (Rom. 8:26-27.NIV).
Think of it: Even when we don't know how to pray, the Spirit knows our needs, and He brings the deepest cries of our hearts before the throne of God. In ways we will never understand this side of eternity, God the Holy Spirit pleads for us before God the Father.
Turn to God in every situation-- even when you don't feel like it. The Spirit is interceding for you, in accordance with God's will.

I hope that this is some comfort to you. I thank God that He was there to carry me through Chloe's journey. Praying so hard for all of you.

Anonymous said...

Heather - I can't even imagine what chemo is like for a 18 month
old baby. Having sat with an adult for chemo treatments for the past two years, I'm trying to wrap my thoughts around Zoey's journey. Also- you and Mark having to watch the actual treatment process while sitting there helpless and wanting it to "just go away"

Heather - try to rest and keep up your strength for Zoey and the rest of the family. You are strong and with all the prayers flowing to you, Mark, Zoey and her brothers and sisters, I just know you can make it through this sad, sad time. I'm praying Zoey and you can go home in between treatments so that the whole family can be together if only for a short time.

Take care


Reagan Leigh said...

I hope we can all be there for you the way you have been there for us. We're all praying for Zoey but we're praying for your strength as well. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be. Hang in there and lean on us and Him.
Lots of love,

Anonymous said...

Heather and Mark, it's heartbreaking to read your blog and picture all of you suffering in sadness and discomfort. You are not abandoned. If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it. You and Zoey will get through this and know how deeply and completely you are loved. Our love and prayers are with you constantly. When I went through something similar and profound I was told I didn't have to pray because I couldn't, I was empty. Others took up the oars and rowed for me. It works, let it happen. Christi Harman

heather said...

I am so sorry that your sweet little baby is going through this! I can only imagine how difficult that would be to watch as a mom--terrible! Your family is in our prayers. Big hugs and kisses to Zoey. We will all prayer for a 'textbook recovery'!

Anonymous said...

Not only am I praying for Zoey, but also for you and your entire family. I've posted prayer requests on several message boards I belong to, with a little summary of your story... so I'm sure you'll have hundreds of prayers to lift you up along this journey.

datri said...

I just don't know what to say, all I can do is add some prayers. It just makes me so sad to have to follow another sweet girl with AML, but I am encouraged by the fact that the other sweet girl (Kennedy) recovered and is doing great. Praying for the same for Zoey.

Jose A Moreira said...

Hi Heather,
Jose here. Just wanted to say that my prayers and thoughts are with you guys! Keep the faith, I'll be praying with you guys! I told Mark to please call me for anything I might be able to help with. Take care and big hug,


Carey said...

Heather, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, that Zoey has to go through it. Remember it will make you stronger. I'll admit, the beginning is awful. For us, it did get a little easier. There are good days and bad, and I pray your good far outweigh your bad. Zoey's smile will return, but for now, she's sick. Once they kick her into remission, which hopefully will be within a week or two, you'll start to see signs of Zoey again. Then once her counts recover from the chemo, you'll go, oh yeah, here's my girl. My girl WITHOUT CANCER. Yes, she'll be tired, and yes there are so many side effects, but that's the beauty of children, they hardly notice. Love to you all!

Mareesa said...

Hi Heather and Mark,

You do not know me, but I've been following Zoey's blog for a few months now. I've posted a couple comments in the past. I read the latest news about the diagnoses of Leukemia for little Zoey Grace and I'm truly heartbroken. I have a 2 year old niece that I would do anything for and would pray that if my niece (Aliza, that's her name) needed help, and a stranger was able to help they would.

I donate blood a few times a year, my blood type is O negative CMV negative. I called the American Red Cross which is who I usually donate blood through and they confirmed that I am indeed CMV Negative, which they state means I can donate blood to patients that have Leukemia and Preemie babies. I would be honored if I could help Miss Zoey out in her time of need, by donating blood for her or getting tested to see if I'm a match for anything else.

Zoey has forever changed my life, she's helped me see the world differently, she's done so much for me it would be my pleasure to help if I can.

I live just down the coast from you in Carlsbad and I'm a 30-year old female.

Zoey and your family will continue to be in my prayers, Zoey is a fighter, Zoey is strong.

I sent this to your email as well, but I wanted to post it here just in case.

Cleo said...

Zoey Grace IS A WARRIOR ~, HER BRAVE SPIRIT is her best ally in these trying times.
Heather, you have become the prayer in action for Zoey, everything you do for her is a prayer itself. Your STRENGTH is one of your best tools here, own it, so you can continue to help Zoey with all you have, YOU CAN DO this.
Please remember you are not alone, there are many people thinking in all of you. I know prayers, positive thoughts and good energies are very powerful ~.
Zoey will overcome this battle, stay strong and positive ~.
Keeping Zoey and you in my prayers and positive thoughts and sending healing energies your way !!!. ((((((HUGS))))))

Alison said...

Sending our love from Ukraine. We will continue to love and support you just as you have always been there for us. Thank you for allowing us to come along on this journey. God is doing a mighty work through you and your faithfulness.

Our Love,
Mike and Alison
and the kids

Jeanette said...

I found your blog through Henry's mommie, Heidi Marie. Your story of Zoey just breaks my heart. You can add the prayers of Christ Episcopal Church in Texas to the list of prayer warriors. We are praying for her healing and all of your strength. Blessings to you all.

Larkinsmom said...

hugs and love from Larkin and me. I am so sad and will keep praying so hard for my sweet little Zoey and your family. Call if you need me.

Mandy said...

I'm typing thru tears after reading your post.....I promise to keep your sweet Zoie and your family in our prayers.

Aunt Kim said...

Heather and Mark--I can't believe Zoey and your family has to go through this. There has been so much this year that I haven't understood but this is a really big one. But I feel so strongly, I really do, that Zoey will come through this OK. She is such a special little girl, with such a special family. And she is such a tough little girl, I know its hard for you to see that now, with everything she is going through.

You don't know me, and I don't know you or your family. Except I do. Heather, you and your family have reached out to my sister Kele and her family in a way that is so precious and beautiful and special. You have been an anchor for my sister at times when she needed one. And it was you Heather who helped hold her together. So, I do know you, I know what kind of person you are and what your heart is. And like my sister Kele and our other sister and our parents, I have fallen in love with you. And Zoey. And Mark. and Taylor. And Caitlyn. And Jessica. And Jake and Joe too. You and your family are in my heart and I am sending so much love and so many prayers your way. I want you to feel it--its coming at you by many more than just me and it is coming from every direction, you and Mark and Zoey are being held close by all those who you have touched--so very, very many.

Praying, praying, praying......

Kim (Presley's Aunt Kim)

Anonymous said...

Mark and Heather-I'm truly at a loss for words. I am so sorry to hear this awful news. I will be on a plane when you need me. Your are all constantly in my thoughts. Lisa
p.s. Mark-you are a great blog writer too

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with all the Needhams right now. Though I haven't met Zoey, her story is always firmly embedded in my mind; and every time I think over it, my immediate reactions are that you (the Needhams) are truly blessed to have such a precious little girl as Zoey, and she is just as blessed to born into such an inconceivably loving, warm, compassionate family. I have been lucky enough to know almost all of you for 2/3s of my life, and though we do not speak as much now, I am forever loving of you. Just be as you are, which is strong, and keep doing what you do best, which is selflessly giving all the love you have to each other. Again: thinking of & praying for you. Eric Seguy

Kerry Shealy said...

Although I have never met you and read your blog for the first time today, my heart breaks for you and your family...and Zoey. I will be fervently praying for Zoey...and you. I think God gives mothers a special gift when we hurt with our children...for our children.
Prayers from one mother to another and her precious little girl.

My name is Sarah said...

OH Zoey. I wish you were not in the hospital right now. I know they are not much fun. I am sad for you but I know you are a strong little girl. My family will be praying really hard for you to get out soon and be feeling better.

hjoy said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet little girl. God give you the strength and comfort to get through each day.

Shari said...

I have checked your blog on occasion and tonight I checked again. Oh my! My heart is breaking for your family right now. I am adding you to my daily prayer journal and asking my Mothers In Touch prayer group to lift you up as well. Please know I will be with you every step of the way. Loving you from Oregon state.

Kele said...

Oh Heather, I am so overwhelmed by the out pouring of love and support I read here. No one is more deserving than you guys...
I love you and please know I am praying all day for you all. I see Zoeys in all the rooms in my house, where in each there is a big 8x10 picture of her smiling face... She is always being lifted in prayer in our home. Each night I kiss Presley good night I say to her "Lets tell the Lord to take care of our Zoey". I wish I could hug you right now H, I wish I could kiss all over that sweet Z's face. I wish I could make this all go away, damn it, at times, like you, I feel rage! Know this shall pass. YOU helped me through dark days that I thought would last forever and I will be here for every dark day with you.
ZOEY.WILL.BEAT.THIS. Perhaps I should add to that mantra:

Kacey Bode said...

I am so sorry that you all are having to go through this. We will be praying for you all.

Jessie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Love the picture, the fabulous outfit that only Zoey girl could carry off, and love the smiling face. So amazing. Hope your new schedule works out well for all of you. How special it is that you have such precious ones at home that you can focus on and see the positive there. Not to take away the fact that Zoey's absence is a presence there too. Encouraging you to take care of yourself as the days go by because you can not let your body and spirit get run down and possibly become sick. Just a little reminder because you are so loved. Thinking of you all -- all the time and sending prayers and love, Christi Harman