"Everything is possible ...the impossible just takes a little longer"

This quote is so dear to me.I found it on blog at yet another time in our life with Zoey,when we were so uncertain as to what the future would hold.The story of this precious boy I found one dark February evening,changed me,forever.His life,renewed my hope.This quote became our adopted mantra and when we celebrated her birthday the very next month,we printed up this quote,had them framed and put them on all the tables at her party.The quote fit her life and the course it had taken up until that day and today we find ,once again that this quote defines Zoey and her journey over the last 20 months.I have placed one of the framed quotes at the top of her hospital bed and I look at it throughout the day, to remind me of the strength and resiliency of this child and what she is capable of.Once again, today found most of us in a state of flux.The boys struggled ..... a lot.Anger,defiance,crying ...you name it,they did it.Not unusual for Joe but for Jake, this is so uncharacteristic.As we settle into our new norm,they hopefully will find their way a bit easier.We all are giving 110% of ourselves to one another and still,somehow,fall short.My expectations are far to high for 9 days into this life altering event.Since I have absolutely no control on the course this "thing" will take with Zoey,I find myself trying to control things within my grasp, schedules,house stuff,events but even at that, I feel like I am failing.Every aspect of this latest leg of our journey, seems totally and completely frustrating.However,my frustration is short lived, as today was another outstanding day for Miss Zoey .Strange to classify a day in the hospital, fighting Leukemia,outstanding but I gotta call it like it was.She even ate some baby food today,which is a first since treatment began.Her g-tube site is a bit irritated,which is unusual for her.Her site,up until now, has always looked stellar.Since chemo can break down skin,thus the frequent diaper changing,it would make sense that her g-tube site might feel the effects.We are trying to stay ahead of problems and are religiously washing,drying and applying ointment to it, to prevent infection.We are watching a little cough as well.I think it is from the post nasal thing she has going on and her lungs continue to sound clear to everyone.Thank goodness for that.Her counts are doing their thing as well and we are just shy of zeroing out on her ANC level.Slow and steady everything goes.She is simply magical these days.She is also in the company of some amazing children on the 4th floor.I found out today that there are 6 other children who have Down syndrome,fighting Leukemia, right along side her.The oldest is 15 and Zoey is the youngest.Tonight as I write,Jessica is making a poster for her Team in Trainging.Little Zoey's picture is plastered across it.This time around,Zoey becomes their personal inspiration.The LA marathon is in February.Zoey will not be able to be at the finish line as Jess crosses on that day.Hopefully and prayerfully she will be close to finishing up her treatment.Mark and I will switch places tomorrow.I will try to make the most of my time with the kids before I head back.The day is sure to go way too fast.I continue to miss Zoey each time I come home.Certain in some moments she is here with me.In my heart,for sure.Today as I was riding the elevator up from buying some hot chocolate down stairs,a mom and her little guy came onto the elevator.He happened to also have Down syndrome.He was darling.His mom told me he was 7.They were there visiting friends on a different floor,thankfully.I said good bye as they got off.I wasn't sure if he heard me but just as the doors were beginning to close he turned to me,waved and said good bye,cute as could be.As I got to our floor,I stepped off and began to sob.I want to know I will see Zoey, just as that boy was .... 7 years old, smiling and happy.We all embraced Zoey,as she was forming within me,before she was born we too knew her.I never, ever felt robbed of what I was SUPPOSE to have because Zoey was is just what we all were always suppose to have.We have embraced and rejoiced in her being from day one.Never yearning for anything other than what you too, see before you.We could not and do not relate to the devastation that families feel when they received their diagnosis of Down syndrome.I do not mean to diminish those feelings of others,it just was not us.Haven't we done it all as we should have?We chose life,we chose Zoey.Why then does it seem as if we are being punished by the prospect of possibly losing her?My whole life, I will never understand how it is, that one small soul should have to prove herself time and again.Hope remains but is sometimes tempered by fear.Fear never winning but always present.Pray for this brave little love.Pray that she continues to show us once again, that she is the absolute wonder,she epitomizes courage and she has more than earned her right to be here amongst us.Just my opinion.A mother biased.A mother in love, with a little girl, that truly and fully completes us all.