Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Today I threw an impromptu pity party. Don't be offended if you didn't get your invite ...



Chances is are,if you did come,you would have left.Quickly.The guest list was chock full of some unsavory types.And when I say guest list,I use "guest" very loosely.The use of "guest" would perhaps imply I actually wanted their presence in my life today.When in fact ... nothing could be further from the truth.First to arrive were fear and anxiety.Followed shortly there after by resentment,bitterness,anger and sadness.All had equally un-welcomed companions.Impatience,intolerance,insecurity and rounding out the crew, guilt.You see where I am going with this,don't you?I mingled with each on of my guests,as a good hostess should.Reacquainted myself with ones I hadn't been in contact with in awhile.And before I knew it ,the short lived soiree was over.It was my party and I could cry if I wanted to.So I did.And that was that.As quickly and unexpected and unexplainable as this little gathering was,it was over just as fast.Thank goodness.On a serious note,I find,for me,I just have to have some moments like today or I would not be able to survive our ever changing normal.If I can visit and sit with some of these emotions and work through them,than I become better equipped to face the next moment.Now,some of my family members and friends might not be as crazy for my coping methods, so often the day ends with some much needed apologies.Forgiving myself is usually the last step to finding my way out of these necessary days.Onto a totally different subject.One of my favorites ... Miss Zoey.Mark has mentioned,a few times,as have a number of other people,that Zoey is in need of a haircut.That sounds so absurd to me.Sounds rather strange to me,to call up my friend Summer and say,"Hey,Summer,Zoey's hair has actually GROWN during chemo,do you think you could give her a trim."Bizarre.My feeling is this ...Her hair will fall out,eventually and until then I think I just want to leave it be.I'll let you all weigh in on the discussion.I say,when I see it start to go,we will give her a darling G.I. Jane cut and that will be that.Until then,we will just continue to brush her hair out of her already visually obstructed eyesight.Much to her vision therapist Christi's dismay.Speaking of Christi,our friend first and foremost,besides being Zoey's therapist,she has been a Godsend.Christi has been so supportive.We hit the jackpot the day Christi was assigned to us for vision therapy.We found a dear friend that day and Christi has been by our side every step of the way.She loves Zoey and Zoey her.She is always placing Zoey's needs first.Finding what is best suited to Zoey.Being so in tune to her likes and dislikes and working with them accordingly.She has been emotionally and physically supported to us as a family and she has kept us fat and happy with her famous lemon cake.For that and so,so much more,Christi, we love you and thank you.The day ended on an unexpected high note.Unbeknownst to me,"Lost"has a 3 hour recap before next weeks premiere ... you see there is always a silver lining.Trivial,I know but necessary for my sanity.I must have a vice of some sort you know ..."Lost" and Starbucks hot chocolate and it's all good.Now if we could just kick this leukemia thing,find cures and miracles for all my other precious little buddies, then all might be right with the world.

9 comments:

Cheri said...

So glad you get to spend extra time at home until next Monday, enjoy your precious time. So glad your "guests" came and went, their job accomplished. And so glad for unexpected silver linings...

Thinking of you!

Jaxsons Fight said...

everyone needs to sit down and have a good cry once and a while. You get it out and your good for another couple of months. I say leave the hair, but then again I have four boys and if i had the chance for girl hair I would grow it and play with it forever. Kisses from Jax

Shelli said...

I don't know you but I love you. You inspire me so much! Our daughter was born a year ago with DS and I regret for the first 7 month I missed out from throwing pity parties, but I am thankful to God for her and now can enjoy her and the parties are few and far between, but still present at times. I love reading your blog and thankful for little Zoey she seems like an angel, and I say keep the hair. Our little Tawni also has vision problems and probably should cut her hair but I just love it and keep brushing it out of her eyes or put it up. Stay strong and know there are people inspired by you and praying for you!
Take care,
Shelli
http://princesstawni.blogspot.com/

Jacque said...

I've never posted before but have fallen for your entire family. Zoe is SUCH a sweetie. Love her to pieces & have never met her! In my humble opinion, leave the hair! Try clippies,etc but no cutting. Time for worrying about it will come. For now, enjoy your good moments while gearing up for this next round.You are in my daily prayers. Take care & leave the hair!

Jacque
Hudson,Ohio

Kele said...

Enjoy the extra time at home. I am not a good person to advise on the hair cut thing... Mikah was 3 before she had her first hair cut, I feel like they are all grown up once the hair is cut. Never the less, Zoey will be beautiful regardless.
Disappointed we were unable to finish our conversation the other day, just call back when you can.
Take care

The VW's said...

Pity parties are a must every once in a while! I hate having them, since there is often a lot to 'clean up' afterwards, but it's good to just get it all out!

Sorry that you are having a difficult time! I'll be praying! Oh, Gavin would love to be added to your friend list! Thank you!

Jaxsons Fight said...

Yeah, I might change the picture on the button, you can't really see how cute he really is. I didn't make the button, Rebecca did. She's fabulous.

Melanie said...

You are 100% entitled to deal with your feelings however you want or need to. Glad you feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with us out here.

Jaxsons Fight said...

Okey dokey, blankie it is. I will have fun picking out a cute girl one. I've only gotten to do a couple of girl ones because I have all boys.