Today I threw an impromptu pity party. Don't be offended if you didn't get your invite ...

Chances is are,if you did come,you would have left.Quickly.The guest list was chock full of some unsavory types.And when I say guest list,I use "guest" very loosely.The use of "guest" would perhaps imply I actually wanted their presence in my life today.When in fact ... nothing could be further from the truth.First to arrive were fear and anxiety.Followed shortly there after by resentment,bitterness,anger and sadness.All had equally un-welcomed companions.Impatience,intolerance,insecurity and rounding out the crew, guilt.You see where I am going with this,don't you?I mingled with each on of my guests,as a good hostess should.Reacquainted myself with ones I hadn't been in contact with in awhile.And before I knew it ,the short lived soiree was over.It was my party and I could cry if I wanted to.So I did.And that was that.As quickly and unexpected and unexplainable as this little gathering was,it was over just as fast.Thank goodness.On a serious note,I find,for me,I just have to have some moments like today or I would not be able to survive our ever changing normal.If I can visit and sit with some of these emotions and work through them,than I become better equipped to face the next moment.Now,some of my family members and friends might not be as crazy for my coping methods, so often the day ends with some much needed apologies.Forgiving myself is usually the last step to finding my way out of these necessary days.Onto a totally different subject.One of my favorites ... Miss Zoey.Mark has mentioned,a few times,as have a number of other people,that Zoey is in need of a haircut.That sounds so absurd to me.Sounds rather strange to me,to call up my friend Summer and say,"Hey,Summer,Zoey's hair has actually GROWN during chemo,do you think you could give her a trim."Bizarre.My feeling is this ...Her hair will fall out,eventually and until then I think I just want to leave it be.I'll let you all weigh in on the discussion.I say,when I see it start to go,we will give her a darling G.I. Jane cut and that will be that.Until then,we will just continue to brush her hair out of her already visually obstructed eyesight.Much to her vision therapist Christi's dismay.Speaking of Christi,our friend first and foremost,besides being Zoey's therapist,she has been a Godsend.Christi has been so supportive.We hit the jackpot the day Christi was assigned to us for vision therapy.We found a dear friend that day and Christi has been by our side every step of the way.She loves Zoey and Zoey her.She is always placing Zoey's needs first.Finding what is best suited to Zoey.Being so in tune to her likes and dislikes and working with them accordingly.She has been emotionally and physically supported to us as a family and she has kept us fat and happy with her famous lemon cake.For that and so,so much more,Christi, we love you and thank you.The day ended on an unexpected high note.Unbeknownst to me,"Lost"has a 3 hour recap before next weeks premiere ... you see there is always a silver lining.Trivial,I know but necessary for my sanity.I must have a vice of some sort you know ..."Lost" and Starbucks hot chocolate and it's all good.Now if we could just kick this leukemia thing,find cures and miracles for all my other precious little buddies, then all might be right with the world.