My bed beckons .....

but before I oblige,a quick update.I arrived home later than I usually do when it's my evening home.8:30 tends to be my norm but today it was more like 9:30.What a difference an hour makes.Mostly from the stand point of spending time with the kids.The boys were still up but seeing it was late, there wasn't much time for hanging out and catching up before it was teeth brushing and off to bed.We snuggled into the bottom bunk and read a few books.After prayers it was off to do a few loads of laundry,pick up the house a bit,unpack my hospital bag and well,still tons to do to make the morning go smoother but honestly,I just don't have it in me.I am exhausted.If my head hits the pillow before midnight,I'll be happy though.As for the princess ... finding her way.This morning she awoke and the first thing I noticed was that familiar pasty whiteness to her precious face.A few rounds ago I would have put money down in Vegas that her hemoglobin was down but as each round has proved,that whiteness is just a precursor for things to come.Meaning,her paleness is just an outward signal of the treatment taking hold.Labs were drawn and numbers have already started to drop and now the familiar number dance begins.Zoey has remained fairly constant in putting forth a pattern to her bottoming out and I feel certain this round will be no different.In fact I seriously doubt if my mental state can take anything other than a Zoey picture perfect round.But,it's a crap shoot folks and our floor this week lies testament to that.Very strange vibes up there this week.Eerily quiet and the grouping of children and families that we have grown close to over the last 5 months seem to all be around.Various stages of treatment but all there.The quiet and stillness won't last long.Unfortunately,beds will fill before you know it, with new diagnosis' and returning patients.How I wish there weren't a need for those beds to be filled.Speaking of beds,we were moved into an enormous room.I am telling you,even though we have a roommate,what a difference some space makes.I kid you not,if they try and move us,I will not go without a fight and I might seriously consider chaining myself and Zoey to what ever solid fixture I can find in there.That's how great this room is.Talk about a boost for your mental health.And as for roommate,can I just say,oh,my,gosh!!!His name is Christian.He is two.He has AML and he has Down syndrome.Darling,absolutely darling.I guess that's all for now.Not very exciting but trust me,when you are talking 4E,you can do without excitement.Now,I have a confession to make.That bed that is beckoning me isn't exactly mine .... it's Joe's.I have had the hardest time this round going to bed without Mark and without my littlest love right next to me.So, when I head up stairs lately I have been crawling into Joe's bed and sleeping with him.Joe wanders into my bed every night anyway so I figure I will save him a trip.Tonight Jake is in there as well,it's a full size bottom bunk,so tonight I will sleep soundly next to my two best little guys.Keep those prayers coming please and tomorrow I will post pictures of the brave little hero.