Saturday, May 9, 2009
~So much sorrow and pain
Still I will not live in vain
Like good questions never asked
Is wisdom wasted on the past
Only by the grace of God go I
~Ben Harper~musician-songwriter (from the song"Blessed to be a Witness")
There is not often a day that goes by on the 4th floor, that I do not recognize and remind myself how incredibly blessed I am.Today was no different.Today, was a difficult day for me on an emotional level.These kinds of days take more of a toll on me then the physically taxing ones.The journeys of others weigh heavy on my heart and leave me feeling helpless but never hopeless.Instead they force me to continue to be ever prayerful and mindful that miracles do indeed occur each day.At the end of each day I find myself asking and sometimes begging,which is not beneath me,begging for miracles for some of these children that I have come to love with every fiber of my being.
Zoey,our little love, is doing her Zoey thing.Knocking this out in true Zoey fashion.The first few days,primarily yesterday was a doozy but by evening our little Zoey had reemerged.So much so that she decided to party into the night until 1am!Yes,wide awake and full of it.We have a darling roommate,Justine.Justine is a soon to be 8th grade graduate but AML has decided to side track her for awhile.She is beautiful and sweet and Zoey is in love with her.Justine is a night owl,2 am being her average time to turn in and last night Zoey decided to join her.Very cute the two of them.Justine and her mom spoil me with food and water and great conversation and again, if not for the journey of cancer I would never have had the opportunity to meet this incredible family.Do not get me wrong,I do wish however that Justine was instead at school where she really belongs.Soon Justine.Soon.Well,we wait now.Zoey's counts are plummeting.She has almost no white count already and her platelets are very low.Transfusions are on the horizon.She is very tired and as I was reminded by the attending today,this road is extremely difficult on these kids and fatigue is to be expected.We continue to stand in amazement of Zoey's strength and resiliency.Superhuman at moments and defying explanation most all of the time.The finish line seemed so out of reach last October and now it is within eyesight.Please keep those prayers coming.This last leg is apt to continue to challenge her and she will need to call on whatever reserves she has hiding to see her to the end.Thank you for your steadfast support through your loving comments and emails.They are our reserves and will see us to the end as well.
*Last bottle of chemo ... finished ... done ...completed.Being taken down by our favorite nurse Laura at 8am yesterday.Loved the two pictures of Zoey, who spotted our family picture and worked tirelessly and eventually conquered, tearing it down.And then,my tired love ...
One last story:At 9 o'clock each night, 3 of our fellow AML warriors, make the end of the night announcements that visiting hours are now over.They patiently take turns,each repeating the same little shpeel and at the end,in each of their magical little voices they say:"And goodnight Zoey"It is the sweetest thing,followed by Zoey and I heading to the door where she blows them her loving gentle kisses.That is what this floor is about you guys ... that is the incentive behind my steadfast prayers each and every evening for God to send his grace and healing love to all of these courageous children.