Saturday, May 9, 2009






~So much sorrow and pain
Still I will not live in vain
Like good questions never asked
Is wisdom wasted on the past
Only by the grace of God go I

~Ben Harper~musician-songwriter
(from the song"Blessed to be a Witness")

There is not often a day that goes by on the 4th floor, that I do not recognize and remind myself how incredibly blessed I am.Today was no different.Today, was a difficult day for me on an emotional level.These kinds of days take more of a toll on me then the physically taxing ones.The journeys of others weigh heavy on my heart and leave me feeling helpless but never hopeless.Instead they force me to continue to be ever prayerful and mindful that miracles do indeed occur each day.At the end of each day I find myself asking and sometimes begging,which is not beneath me,begging for miracles for some of these children that I have come to love with every fiber of my being.

Zoey,our little love, is doing her Zoey thing.Knocking this out in true Zoey fashion.The first few days,primarily yesterday was a doozy but by evening our little Zoey had reemerged.So much so that she decided to party into the night until 1am!Yes,wide awake and full of it.We have a darling roommate,Justine.Justine is a soon to be 8th grade graduate but AML has decided to side track her for awhile.She is beautiful and sweet and Zoey is in love with her.Justine is a night owl,2 am being her average time to turn in and last night Zoey decided to join her.Very cute the two of them.Justine and her mom spoil me with food and water and great conversation and again, if not for the journey of cancer I would never have had the opportunity to meet this incredible family.Do not get me wrong,I do wish however that Justine was instead at school where she really belongs.Soon Justine.Soon.Well,we wait now.Zoey's counts are plummeting.She has almost no white count already and her platelets are very low.Transfusions are on the horizon.She is very tired and as I was reminded by the attending today,this road is extremely difficult on these kids and fatigue is to be expected.We continue to stand in amazement of Zoey's strength and resiliency.Superhuman at moments and defying explanation most all of the time.The finish line seemed so out of reach last October and now it is within eyesight.Please keep those prayers coming.This last leg is apt to continue to challenge her and she will need to call on whatever reserves she has hiding to see her to the end.Thank you for your steadfast support through your loving comments and emails.They are our reserves and will see us to the end as well.

*Last bottle of chemo ... finished ... done ...completed.Being taken down by our favorite nurse Laura at 8am yesterday.Loved the two pictures of Zoey, who spotted our family picture and worked tirelessly and eventually conquered, tearing it down.And then,my tired love ...

One last story:At 9 o'clock each night, 3 of our fellow AML warriors, make the end of the night announcements that visiting hours are now over.They patiently take turns,each repeating the same little shpeel and at the end,in each of their magical little voices they say:"And goodnight Zoey"It is the sweetest thing,followed by Zoey and I heading to the door where she blows them her loving gentle kisses.That is what this floor is about you guys ... that is the incentive behind my steadfast prayers each and every evening for God to send his grace and healing love to all of these courageous children.

25 comments:

The VW's said...

Praying for you Heather and Zoey!!! Fight on sweet warrior!

jturpin said...

Y'all continue in my prayers. We have a little one here in the PICU receiving chemo - which makes me think of sweet Zoey so often. HOping for the best....Zoey's resilience is amazing.

jturpin said...

sorry...that's me, Shelly, logged in as my husband again (why can't I learn?)

Cheri said...

Last bottle of chemo...finished....done....completed!!!
Wow....so thrilled you are at this point, the light at the end of the tunnel is near! We are all praying you finish this round strong Zoey!

Zoey you are so loved everywhere you go! Heather I loved that little story...I can picture her little buddies making the evening announcement and Zoey going to the window to blow her goodnight kisses to her "peeps". I once wrote a post titled "if hospital walls could speak" they would tell us so many stories....this story in particular about the announcement of night time visiting hours being over melted my heart. So much sweet tenderness amongst a floor whose stories could fill volumes!

Cheri said...

oops not sure why there is so much space in between my 1st and 2nd line.. :)

Anonymous said...

Zoey - at long last - the final bottle of chemo has entered your tired, but strong little being. How fitting that your "favorite" nurse was there to unhook it.

Well, it seems you are a little party girl on the 4th floor - so glad you like your new friend Justine. Wishing her welland on to the 8th grade.

Loved the part that mommy told of your AML friends saying a very special good night to you little Zoey, with you blowing kisses in return.

Heather I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day be it inside the walls of the hospital or at home with the family.

Zoey you are indeed an awesome warrior/princess and inspiration for all of us. Hoping you are soon back at home and outside in the sunshine!

Love & hugs to everyone

Bluebelle

Googsmom said...

Zoey is my Hero!!!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

just jean said...

The finish line! Hurray! Our continued prayers for steady and sure recovery into future days filled with joy, peace, and daily amazements.

Bea Braun said...

Thank you so much for the update. Zoey has been very much in our thoughts and prayers especially this week. The last botttle of chemo...it's like beautiful music. So glad to see Zoey's fantastic smile at the end of the day. She is amazing! Enjoy your Mother's Day with your wonderful children.

Bea

Jamie said...

Zoey, I barely know you and you are in my heart..your contagious smile and strong will...Ohh this is only the beginning to feeling better and back to yourself..:)
Hugs from Allll the way in CT :)!!

stephanie said...

Oh Zoey, You are a wonder! You have touched more lives in your 2 years than most people do in a lifetime. Can't wait to see what you do in your next 100 years. We Love You So Much!!!!Stay strong you're almost there! Prayers and hugs to all.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I can feel your love and attachment to each of these children and their families on the 4th floor. They are all in a family they love but don't want to be in. Zoey must give them so much joy...that is a wonderful thing...even in a place like that. She is spreading her story and her reason for being sent here in the beginning. She was no doubt sent to earth to spread love and joy...and she is right now in the perfect place to do just that. It will be interesting to watch her life unfold and see where else you are sent. The next place better not be a hospital!
Have a great Mother's Day. You deserve it.
Love,
Kathleen

Mia hat eins mehr! said...

Now here you are, the last bottle of chemo. Makes some goosebumps. You´ll be sooner at home as you think ;-) But still, there are prayers to come and wishes for a really special, beautiful mothersday for a truly special mother.

Take care,
sending you love, as always, my friend -
Claudia

Lacey said...

Oh sweet Zoey, you are truly amazing. It sounds like you guys are in with a great bunch of friends, all dealing with the same demon. Praying extra hard for this last leg that she is her usual smiley self. We love you Zoey.

Samantha said...

what a brave, strong, couragous little girl your Zoey is. I pray for her every single day (and night) And I pray for you too.

I can't imagine seeing what you see on that 4th floor. Just knowing that so many children are fighting these horrible diseases, that weighs heavy on my heart and shoulders... I can't imagine, not only going through it, as you are, but also being completely surrounded by the suffering...

Again, I am praying for you and for Zoey. Lots of love from Brea, CA

Michelle said...

Ahhhh Zoey....finally that last bottle...very bitter-sweet isn't it. Normalcy, I hope for the future, but the thought of 'normalcy' can sometimes be scary. I know it will be a big adjustment, but it will feel so good to have put this behind you, as it has been so many different things to you, good and not so good. Zoey is a true warrior...she has shown so many what it is to fight, and fight with a smile on your face...not let the best of the bad get you down. And you, Heather, hugs to you today, hugs to you for all you've seen, felt, heard, had to fight for, had to let go of, had to shed a tear over...hugs for you! One week and we will be there. I will email you in a bit and let you know our schedule to see where you can fitus in! xo

dg darling said...

That first picture is priceless! I have days where I feel that way too but am reminded by sweet Zoey how blessed I am even on those days. Give her a kiss from a Mamma in UT!

Junior said...

Keeping you all in our prayers, Zoey your strength is amazing.

Heather I wish you a blessed Mother's Day.

therextras said...

Your blog, sharing your lives, is a blessing to me. Thank you. Barbara

scrappy quilter said...

Zoey, love you are an inspiration to all of us. We continue to pray for you sweet angel. Heather prayers for you too.

nyxxie said...

I've been awake for hours reading your blog. I will pray for you everytime I pray. Be positive. So glad the worst is over. May you be blessed with strength and happiness, forever always.

Anonymous said...

I'm all emotional after reading and assimilating your post for today. You and Zoey haven't been far from my heart and mind. Sending faithful prayers and endless love, Christi Harman

Melissa said...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY HEATHER! Praying for you Zoey;)

Devon said...

Sweet little warrior girl. Be strong, Heather. Sending hugs.

MJMILLS said...

what awesome pics you captured of the last chemo bottle leaving site!