Monday, May 4, 2009

Peace ....



I thought perhaps, when this day arrived, I would spend time in deep reflection on the journey of the past 7 months.I thought perhaps I would speak of the future and the uncertainty that it most surely holds.And I definitely thought, when today arrived, I would be filled with some degree of trepidation,anxiety and fear.Instead I feel peace.Complete peace.Peace ... that intangible feeling that I so often have yearned for over the course of the last 2 years.Tonight it is here and I am so grateful for it.We begin tomorrow knowing that we have done everything humanly possible to get to this day.....Zoey's final admission for chemotherapy.We are here and more importantly, Zoey is here and we are blessed and yes,we are better because of these days we have traveled.No matter what lies ahead we now know we are stronger and more capable then we could have ever imagined.To my husband and my children ...I am so proud of you all for the grace with which you have carried yourselves and the burdens you have so unflinchingly and unselfishly,carried.To my friends and extended family ... who have stepped up and sacrificed their family time and days off and down time to care for my little guys,a thank you is so insufficient.To my Camarillo community and beyond ... who have rallied behind us with fundraisers and gift cards and presents at our doorstep,we are humbled.To all of you in blogland ... who have reached out and supported us in prayer and words of encouragement ... you have enriched our lives in ways you will never,ever know.And finally, to my littlest love Zoey,my angel girl,my hero ...you are a gift that I am unworthy to have been bestowed with.You have endured more than any child should ever have to but you show me daily the true meaning of strength and courage and forgiveness.You light up my life and bring a joy unparalleled, with your infectious smile and your unconditional love.Our wish for you is that God continues to shine His amazing grace upon you.That He lift you in the days ahead and heal your tiny body so that we once again can declare ... been there,done that and conquered that fully and completely.Just before I put Zoey down tonight,I whispered in her ear how much I loved her,how hopeful I am for her future and how together, we will walk the rest of our days,hand in hand as I show her the beauty of this world and while doing just that, she is sure to show me more than I could possibly ever show her.I kissed her,signed I loved her,to her and as always she flashed that trademark smile at me.I will never know how much Zoey truly understands but I do know this much .. she certainly feels how much I love her and in her own magical way she tells me just how much she loves me.That will always be enough.What more could I possibly ask for.Forward on Miss Zoey Grace,tomorrow comes.

*This darling shirt that Zoey is wearing came from a blog friend.Is it not the cutest?I had a hard time getting a good shot of Zoey so you can read the words so let me tell you what it says:"It is all in my genes baby!"I think it is so very appropriate because I totally and completely feel that,for what some deem as an imperfection,that very same gene has enabled Zoey to be the innate fighter that she is.She is perfect,in every sense of the word ... the wings just solidify that!.Thank you Maryjane and mommy.We know it was a bit of a hassle in getting it to us but it was so worth the wait!

24 comments:

Junior said...

You are all in our prayers. Zoey your shirt is just perfect.
Big hugs

Anonymous said...

March on little warrior, march on - the "war" may never be over, but you have won each and every battle with such dignity and courage, wnd will continue to WIN and your siblings have been right there with you every step of the way - God knew right where to place you in this world and what a wonderful family he gave you - again Zoey you are such an inspiration - our thoughts and prayers go with you and your family - MARCH ON little warrior, MARCH ON!! Kick butt.....

Special prayers going out this morning to all the Needhams from Otisco - God Bless and keep you safe - Robyn

stephanie said...

True Inspiration and faith like I've never seen. I've read that before "somewhere", it's all you today. We Love You!

Cheri said...

Oh dear...just sitting here with blurred vision from the well of water sitting in my eyes. Heather...you have come to this last phase and I am so glad that peace is accompanying you today as you head back out to the 4th floor for the last time. I remember you posting once as this journey began about being on the elevator at CHLA and the door of the 4th floor opened and you whispered to Zoey that that is a floor you never hope to step out on to. Well, fate had it that indeed you would spend part of a year there and we all stepped out on that floor with you to be cheerleaders and prayer warriors for Zoey...thank you for the window into this world that we might not have otherwise seen, thank you for sharing with us the beautiful children and their families who are there with you, thank you for sharing your heart, your fears and your hopes for this sweet little warrior and her friends. I don't think anyone following your blog or in your life has not been eternally touched by this journey you have been on. I for one don't think I'll ever be able to see "the 4th floor" quite the same again and will forever say a quiet prayer as I pass by, for those taking residence there for a period of time.

Okay that was longer than I had anticipated but your post just made me well up with emotion! :)
Much love to you and Zoey...and may the peace you feel today continue with you through this last phase!

Alisha said...

Such a cute shirt, and a very cute girl! Glad that chemo is FINALLY over!

Make sure you check out the Tuesday F. Whitt Annual blog party, and help researchers find a cure for neuroblastoma, one of the least funded pediatric cancers, and one of the most deadly at http://www.fundraiserblog.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Heather - what a beautiful blog - I'm so thankful you have peace. It has come through in your recent blogs.

This has been a long, long journey for all the Needhams and at long last sweet Zoey you have reached the final lag. (chemo) God has been watching and carrying you all the way, of this I'm sure.

"A smile is worth a million words", and Zoey you have spoken and speak to everyone who has come in contact with you, be it in person or on the blog.
Love your little yellow shirt with the wings on the back - perfect for you little angel

Love & Hugs to everyone

Bluebelle

Lacey said...

Your in the homestretch sister. Zoey definitly has the most infectious smile. I'm excited for you and her to get this over with. Give her a big kiss from Jax!!

The VW's said...

What an angel she is! Prayers continue for you as you battle on!

dg darling said...

Congratulations on getting to this milestone! May our Father in Heaven bless Miss Zoey with the strength she needs for the last leg of this journey. Prayers from UT...

sturpin said...

There is nothing better than peace. Praying that it continues. Praying for a long and beautiful life for Zoey!

Anonymous said...

Zoey IS perfect, a precious loving daughter and little sister. Since you are feeling peace Heather, I'm wearing my things with the peace symbol today, just to be walking with you in spirit. God's Grace shall continue to shower you with healing power, love, and comfort. Thinking of you all the time, Christi Harman

Anonymous said...

Precious Zoey!! {{{{HUGS}}}}}

Jenn and Brook

Judy said...

Once again, we are lifting your family up in prayer, Heather :)
You are an amazing mama and Zoey is just a beautiful perfect princess!
I LOVE the babylegs she's wearing. I think the flames are appropriate for today. She needs to be "fired up" for this last round.
Hugs and Prayers!

Michelle said...

Peace - such a wonderful gift we are given when we press on, walk in faith and keep going no matter how dark it may become. You have walked forward in faith, strength never wavering and with that, you have passed your strength onto others, shone a little brighter, when others (including myself) are lost in the dark...you deserve this peace and I hope this peace will carry you through the rest of it. Give Zoey big hugs and kisses, until Ican myself and let her know what a strong spirit she shares with so many and how much we love her! Prayers with you my friend as well as love...always! 10 days until we leave! :)

scrappy quilter said...

That shirt is perfect for your little angel. She is perfect in every way. Continued prayers.

As a side note: Our little man is now 19. He doesn't speak or sign. For the past two days he has been saying momma and Bob (his daddy's name). We thought he would never say a word...today he proved otherwise.

Hugs..

Devon said...

What an amazing post!! I love the thought that in showing her the world, she is sure to show you so much more. I completely understand that, and feel the same in my own life. Keep battling, little one!! I love her shirt!!!!

Melani said...

Still praying daily for Zoey. Again, I say your a strong woman and an inspiration to all.

heidi marie said...

continued prayers that this is forever the last stop on the "cancer road" for zoey. she is beautiful and strong because your family is beautiful and strong or is it vice versa :) thank you for sharing such and intimate part of your life with us all. just reading about zoey makes us all a little more humble.

MJMILLS said...

AWWWW i just love it and am so thankful it finally made it into the hands of its rightful owner! Queen Zoey~ I am so happy you enjoy it~ Tears in my eyes!!!

Ruby's Mom said...

Zoey's shirt is very cute and Zoey is beautiful!I have Zoey on our prayer list at church :)Zoey,you go girl!

Cjengo said...

I loveeeeeeeeee her leg warmers!

Michelle Riggs said...

LOVE the shirt and the pictures of your beautiful daughter.

Congrats on reaching the finish line.

Praying always.

Samantha said...

Oh, so beautifully written. I am just honored to be able to read it. You have such an incredible gift from God in the form of your little Zoey. She is precious. I am praying for you guys every single day.

Cristina said...

It's so strange how things happen for a reason. I was just working and I happened to run into/see zoey's button and I just thought how beautiful she looked. I read the complete page. It was hard to keep my tears from running down my cheeks. You seem like a very strong and wonderful mother. She is beautiful, has a wonderful smile. I will keep you in my prayers. Hope you have a wonderful mother's day!!