Thursday, June 25, 2009
An Unspeakable and Ultimately Profoundly Unfair Journey:
Tonight I headed out to do my run.Did not feel like tackling another 4 miles, two nights in a row but I went. My motivation as I struggle to finish is always the same: I think of my 4th floor warriors. Not a cliche. Not a line. They are my inspiration. Tonight my legs were heavy but my heart was even heavier. A great deal of the day was spent checking the blog, texting and leaving messages for our little fighter Pablo and his family. Last night ended with Mr.P being my final check before I turned in. I found a recent update from his dad Jeff. A fever landed them in the ED but luckily they were heading home. A sigh of relief and off to bed I went. What a difference 24 hours makes. Tonight news has come that again they will be heading home, this time for good. No more fighting, in the words of his dad. Pablo is nearing the end of his valiant fight and quite frankly I am pissed. Again. I love this child. I love his family. Another child. Another family. People wonder why I have changed and have become bitter. Read for yourselves here. Then find a purpose and plan. I know that one day I will see clearly the reasons. At least I hope I will. Tonight I am mad at God but yet, I still turn to Him. I would not be able to do justice in this brief post to the light and beauty this child has brought to our little corner of this world. He is one remarkable child, whose presence in a room changes the vibe and brings joy to those who are lucky enough to catch a glimpse of it. Pablo is a character of all characters. He is a wise beyond his 6 years, costume donning, miracle of all miracles. The day that 4W was "overbooked" was one of the most fortunate days of my life. Because that day as I headed down the halls of 4E, I spied a bald headed beauty of a boy and thought, where did that little guy come from? Boots on. Mixture of hospital garb and miscellaneous pirate stuff, gave me an inkling we were not talking about some ordinary little fellow. On the contrary. Extraordinary more like it. I love you Pablo.As I have said to your mom and dad, I am blessed and better because our paths have converged. I so want you to keep traveling alongside me. More importantly, alongside your family. The journey has not been nearly long enough. Castelaz family, the Needham's love you.