Sunday, July 19, 2009
My hand is being forced ....
Well, perhaps it was only a matter of time. Another comment awaited me in my in-box this morning. A Sunday, and if I am not mistaken, the Lord's day but trust me, there was nothing Godly about this comment, but this person wanted to hide behind their Christianity as reason to find it necessary to stand in judgement of me and my family. Attacking our faith and once again attacking our parenting skills, or lack thereof. This was not anonymous,they left their name, Crelle, but did not have a site or a way for me to contact them back. Might as well have been anonymous but must have made them feel better because they put down some name, probably fictitious anyhow. This new commenter tried to surmise the reason the previous anonymous poster might have felt the need to voice their opinion. Let me make this PERFECTLY clear: The first posters comments, there were two, on Monday, were mean spirited, ugly, nasty, vile and just down right sick. There was not even a touch of religion or faith, much less God. Today, however, I was given an ear full by a "Christian." Really? Christian you say? Who placed you in the position to pass judgement on my family and my children? Where and when were you given the power to stand and recite the "way" we are to live our lives in the eyes of God and the teaching of the Bible? YOU are the exact reason why people shy away from organized religion.How dare,once again,does someone come here and impose their ignorant views on how one of my children are living their so called "sinful"lives. I went to church today and I stood before God...and that my friend is the ONLY thing that matters. As for "exposing your children" to the things on my blog. Seriously? Do your CHILDREN read my blog? If so, that is kinda weird don't you think? And last time I checked, no one forced you to come anyway. Don't like something here then keep moving, by all means keep moving. Now, unfortunately this latest has led to me having to do some reevaluating as to what direction this blog is going. Caitlin and Danny have voiced their uneasiness as to having their child's picture and various other bits of information scattered here about them. In hindsight, did I make a mistake over a year ago divulging too much information about myself and my family? Probably. So now I believe I am going to have no choice but to go private. This is no longer about me. These are my children and my grandchildren. The sad thing is though, one of the most beautiful things about this site is that it allowed me to meet the most amazing people and families. Families, who in the end, without hopefully sounding too presumptuous, have garnered strength and inspiration from a very real, very honest and very humble family, just trying to make their way in this very complicated world. I am talking about families who have found us after finding out they were having a child with Down syndrome. Families with children with congenital heart defects. Families with babies who have had strokes in-utero,which is an uncommon occurrence but is a devastating blow for new parents. Families who just received the news that their precious child is suffering, and trust me it is suffering, from Infantile Spasms. Still more, are the families who's child was diagnosed with TMD at birth and are facing the prospects of that rare blood disease turning into full blown leukemia, just has it had Zoey. I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. This blog and the gift of Zoey and her incredible will to survive, has been just that, a gift. I have shared her life and our journey with her, openly and honestly. Along the way I have shared with you the beauty of the rest of my children. And they are truly beautiful. Bright and yes, highly educated, unlike the rude assumptions of strangers. They are magnificent reminders of all that is good, and to defile them in any way, shape or form, is nothing short of cruel. So the decision is this: we may go private. Along with that, it is my understanding that I will only be able to let this site be viewed by a select 100. I select, and therefore I will know absolutely for certain who sees what. Sad really as this site averages an upward number of 1000 hits a day. I will keep you posted if things go private. I have to look into how that works. Fairly simple I believe. I am sad today. Really and truly sad. I leave you with these quotes, of which I could certainly learn from as well in my day to day living:
We evaluate others with a Godlike justice, but we want them to evaluate us with a Godlike compassion."
~ Sydney J. Harris
"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
~ Wayne Dyer (Psychotherapist, Author and Speaker)
“Remember that I’m Human. Before you judge me or decide how you’ll deal with me, walk awhile in my shoes. If you do, I think you’ll find with more understanding we can meet in the middle and walk the rest of the way together.”
~Eric Harvey and Steve Ventura: Walk Awhile in My Shoes
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
~ Mother Teresa
"Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Caitlin felt compelled to write a comment after I wrote this post.I was once again blown away by her eloquence and decided to copy and paste it here.We continue to be so proud of her and her beautiful little family.
"As that I am am one corner of the triangle that forms the centerpiece of this issue (that triangle being my newly formed family), I thought it appropriate to raise my voice not in anger, embarrassment, shame, or defensiveness, but in honesty, candor, and pride for my family, both immediate and extended.
I am 20 years old. Daniel, my fiance, is also 20. Our daughter is 8 days old.
My pregnancy and her birth into our lives was unexpected, not ideally timed (whatever 'ideal' means), and with challenges due to mine and Danny's age and our 'experience' and 'capability' to be parents (at least from an outside perspective). Though only twenty, I have been a mini-mother in raising my two brothers of elementary school age and of Zoey, the true heart and reason for this blog, a child with vast special needs and atypical development.
I am a high school graduate. I was accepted into every university I applied to for a college education. I chose the route of community college and continued to pursue studies even after learning of my pregnancy.
I have worked since the age of 14, in high school part time, and, over the past year, full time in order to support my budding family. At my most recent job, I was promoted to a supervisor for a company that aided in the independent care of disabled adults living with a wide range of disabilities. This supervisor position had previously only been given to employees with a bachelors degree, a strict prerequisite for the position, though I secured it at 19 years old with only partial college experience.
I have paid for my own medical bills throughout pregnancy with only limited help from my father for some unexpected bloodwork in early pregnancy.
I am financially independent. Danny and I pay our own rent, utilities, food expenses, car payment, and school expenses. Danny is paying his way through his undergraduate education independently, without the financial assistance of family members. Danny works full time during the summer. During the academic year, he will work 25 to 30 hours while also taking 18 units for this fall quarter and still maintaining a full-time student standing throughout the school year. Also, he is currently taking two summer school classes and will begin another in August. While working full time. While caring for a new baby, born just 8 days ago, and adjusting to life as a father.
He is doing so without complaint, and in fact, is excelling in all areas he has extended himself into. He is a natural caregiver. He juggles his many responsibilities with more grace and seamlessness than men years his senior.
We will be legally married when it is more financially feasible for us to do so. We find it more responsible and appropriate to care for our current expenses and the needs of our child rather than plan a wedding, a celebration of two people coming together as one; yes, an undoubtedly significant and sacred event for a couple, but, ultimately, just one day in the journey of a couple as man and wife.
The true definition of marriage is a spiritual union, a commitment to God first and foremost, an unending devotion to fidelity, a continued decision to sacrifice each day for the needs of a spouse, an inseparable bond of friendship and accountability to each other in faith and action, and a constant striving to further the work of God here for our short visit here on earth in a partnership with our spouse.
No, we are not legally married, no, our child is not "legitimate", but we are legitimately committed to God, each other, and the needs of our child.
We do not need a piece of paper to assure us that God has given us Charlotte as a blessing, as a mark of His grace, and as a reminder of the beauty of Christ's promise in such a dark world.
We know that we are capable of raising a healthy child in every sense of the word. We know that we must now set our own needs aside for the sake of our child. We know that we are more qualified than some married adults to enter into parenthood. We know that we have much to learn. We know that we will only raise our child and grow together as a family with our eyes on Christ, acknowledging our faults, but rejoicing in the assurance that we are loved by Him.
To look at my child, her aunts and uncles, her grandparents, and her numerous friends and other family and to see sinfulness, parental irresponsibility, illegitimate birth status, or an embodiment of debauchery or immorality is a disgusting perspective to possess on such an innocent child.
My words are not for myself, but rather, for my daughter, who I am honored to be the mother of. I would be doing her a disservice to passively acquiesce to the ignorance or the brash, unfounded assumptions of complete strangers.
I speak out now because I love my child, my fiance, and my family. I speak out in humility to assert my utmost resoluteness that I am a capable, loving mother and that Danny is a capable, loving father.
I speak out because I have self-worth, a self worth that I hope I can one day teach my daughter."
"For You created my innermost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139 13-14