Thursday, August 27, 2009

To the Max ....

Each evening this week, as I sit and read through the postings of all my friends,leave my comments,say my prayers for them,I go to post here and I go blank.Totally and absolutely blank.Not that there aren't things to blog about but rather blank because there is SO much to blog about.My mode of operation in my old age, when I am over whelmed,is to shut it down.Now I don't mean actually shut down my body because that is entirely impossible for me.I do not stop.Ever.And that's not exactly a good thing.As I wrote to a blogworld friend this evening,my type A personality doesn't allow me to really wind down or give into naps or resting or sometimes stopping to even eat.My saturated mind is much the same except for the fact that I have been blessed by the ability,no matter how entrenched in stress that I am, that my mind can and does turn off and I sleep like a rock.That blows my mind as I have a serious issue with anxiety and catastrophosizing things when things in life are at an all time emotional high.By shutting down I mean that I put things off for a bit,push it away, hoping it will go away or just placing in order those things that have to get done, with those things that can wait.Not all bad when it comes to finding methods of dealing with things actually.But a complete 180 to how I have normally cycled through life.So,because there is so much going on,physically and emotionally here,I have put off writing.Tonight is going to be fairly unorganized and random and pretty much all over the place.I'll start with me,which is not normally where I start and who knows,I might just get going and end there for the night as well.The stress of the last 9 months on my body has just been kicked up a notch.You see I have this pesky little heart thing.Revatively benign in most situations except for the fact that I have been having them while running.A trip to my favorite resident cardiologist,followed by a 24 hour holter monitor and a few EKG's revealed a bit more.A have something called a moderate QT wave.Now in the past,due to low potassium, I had Long QT syndrome.Which thankfully,with some supplements brought that back to a semi normal range.Because,in plan and simple terms.Long QT can be deadly.Now because I take a diuretic,for my Meniere's, which depletes potassium,I stand the chance of getting into some serious trouble.If I ate right and drank properly and wasn't in the state of mind I find myself in as of late,that,coupled with the Marathon,wouldn't be a big deal.But his concern is this:I push myself, due to the aforementioned type A personality,train like crazy for the marathon,take care of all that I have to take care of,and forget to take care of me.That combination could have huge consequences.Doctors recommendation,no marathon.My decision,I don't know.I truly do not know.All I know is that I do believe I am on the brink of being completely maxed out.As for the rest,the week shake down looked much like this:Jessica finished her CNA course and is looking for a job and making a decision on where to apply to nursing school.UCLA has a new masters program that is looking appealing to her and she is going to check deeper into that.Matt has is EMT certificate and his special ambulance driving license and has started some of his fire classes.Caitlin and Danny are doing fabulous.In the grove of parenthood and balancing school and a job,beautifully.We only wish they were closer in distance to us.Taylor is settled into Pepperdine and has a wonderful roommate.Her original roommate decided not to come about two weeks ago and as this world goes,the most amazing thing happened.A very sweet mom from the Dallas area happened upon my blog a while back.She has a 13 year old named Grace that happens to have Down syndrome.She is in fact a twin.After following us and praying for us she realized we both had girls going to Pepperdine.Both had already committed to other roommates but the strange turn of events found Taylor and Mackenzie now roommates!They are perfect together.Right down to both suffering from frequent debilitating migraines.They get each other and Kelly,Mackenzie's mom,feels such peace knowing we are here and that Taylor is there to watch over and understand what Mack is going through.A true blessing.The boys started school.None too happy.Wanted to hold on to summer a bit longer.As did I.They seem to be doing alright and I haven't heard from Joe's teacher so that alone is positive.And Zoey,she is Zoey.Her frustration at not being able to convey her needs and wants is picking up as is her frustration in not being able to get down and just go when we are out.She wants to be let down and it just can't happen out in the world.Can you see it?Zoey,rolling along the side walk.We just have to find a way to get her participating in her world.The week had tons more in it,culminating in Marks sister Lisa and her beautiful daughter Michelle coming for a visit today.We will try and pack in some fun stuff,which just might mean a trip south to visit the darling little Charlie.That's all I've got for tonight.If your still with me,thanks for hanging and thanks as always for your continued love,support and prayers.

*Miss Zoey getting to know and loving on her,never have met,lovely Aunt Lisa and the very sweet cousin Michelle.


Tina said...

As much as we want to give to others we can only continue to do so if and when we ourselves are healthy...I always seem to come last for myself, I am continuously on my feet and even when I could actually put my feet up for half an hour I still end up finding more ways to tire myself out. I have finally realised that I NEED to be healthy and be here for my children, and it is this fear of something happening to me whilst my children still need me that has atlast driven me to get all my check-ups done... I know it will probably be a very tough decision for you whether you do the marathon or not and its a decision that only you can make but I totally understand your dilemma. Its certainly a tough call...
I can understand Zoey's frustration wanting to run around the place and be everywhere, I know I shall have to deal with the same thing with my daughter Saira in due course.
Once again prayers always for Zoey, she is such a sweetheart and I just love to see her beautiful happy smiling face, makes me feel happy inside.

Anonymous said...

Heather - you must take care of yourself - if docs recommend no marathon, then no marathon. I'm sure you will find another way to participate.

And yes, Michelle is sweet, I just knew she and little cousin Miss Zoey would "hit it off" immediately. And of course Aunt Lisa! love the photos. I'm sure Mark is loving having his sister and niece visit from Syracuse.

Glad the boys, especially Joe are doing okay in school. That must be a relief that his first day(s) went well

I think it was a higher power that put Taylor with her new roommate. Amazing isn't it..

Have an awesome time with those "East Coast" relatives! I know Michelle & Lisa will be "over the moon" to see Charlie (and her parents of course).

Take care


stephanie said...

OK, I'm not going to lecture to you! well maybe just a little, but I'm not liking that QT stuff. If taking care of yourself(God forbid) is going to help it HELLO!!!!!!! HEATHER!!!!!!! Eat and sleep and put your name somewhere on the list!Take advantage of the situation, everyone is doing good, really good right now, you just wrote that. So can you please tend to yourself so you can actually enjoy it! I wish I was your next door neighbor, would you be in for it.
You can't fall apart, everyone needs you in one healthy piece.
Love you! Hugs and Kisses to all.

Kristen's mom said...

Don't run. simple. how can you be of any good to your family if you aren't here? I know the thought of not running doesn't sit well with you, but maybe it is time to think about yourself instead of ALWAYS thinking about others. I know you want to do this for Zoey and all the others on ther 4th floor, but you have already raised money and knowing you, I'm sure you'll come up with another way to contribute to this great fight without putting yourself in danger. We all love you "to the Max..."

ABandCsMom said...

Just love to see pictures of Zoey lovin' on everyone. Such a sweet little gal isn't she?!
Hope you're feeling better soon. I know how you feel. We just do not have time for us to have health issues. Our plates are just too full. My last EKG showed a heart attack. I believe my words to the doctor were, "No way. I don't have time to have heart issues". They ruled it out eventually. My Dx was: Mitral valve prolapse.

Lacey said...

Oh, I see some more great Zoey hugs, lucky ladies.
I've been thinking about giving in and going to the doctor for my heart palpitations I'm having. Reading your post is now the final puch to make that call. I think I'm more worried about what it could be. But the fact I've been running ragged, I'm sure thats not helping the headaches, neck pain, and heart palpitations.
Sweet little Joe, I'm glad you haven't heard from his teacher. Could school stimulate that little mind of his and keep him busy?

Kele said...

Happy to hear the report from Wednesday is fine! Love ya!

Liz said...

I know of what you speak.....I too am totally type A and tend to just go until I can't go anymore. Then I crash and sleep like a rock (if Maddie will let me). I don't take care of myself.

But the difference here is that I only have one child (though she is pretty high maintenance) to care for. And I don't really have any health issues.

You HAVE to take care of yourself! Too many people depend on you. I just want to point out that you are always there, giving supportive advice about how to handle stressful situations among your blog friends. You need to take your own advice and remember to take care of yourself.

It doesn't do anyone any good for you to run a marathon if you hurt yourself in the process. know that.

So find another goal (maybe just fundraising) that you can achieve and be excited about without harming your body. No one will think any less of you and you certainly shouldn't either.

Ok, enough preaching for me.

Reagan Leigh said...

Interesting turn of events, considering the email I just sent you. Heather, I can't believe you're even considering still running! Let Jessica run FOR you! You will still be making a sizable donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and you've got to do what's best for your family! Believe me, they need YOU more than they need you to finish a marathon!!! Love those pics of Zoey! She's such a little love!

Peter Olson said...

My wife, Kim, cried all the way to the university, GVSU, where our daughter, Krystal, has been attending for the last three years. Kim drove the Suburban with Krystal's stuff loaded in it and I rode with Krystal in her car. Krystal cried when she said good bye to us that day.
I didn't cry until after I got off the phone with her that night. Appearantly, her and her roomate, a cheerleader, met a bunch of freshmen football players and really enjoyed the rest of that day. Ha! Ha!
I hope you enjoyed that story.

second born said...

You're not running you dummy.


Anonymous said...

Please, please, please take care of yourself.

Blessings, Jenefer

Jeana said...

I agree with everyone, you need to take care of yourself. And like you said, the heart is not something to mess with.

What if you ran the last mile with Jessica? When I did my marathon my friends family member did that with her. Then you get to cross the finish line. Especially since you will be donating and you have a special situation, I would think that the race committee would allow it. Do you need me to call and set it up?

Stephanie said...

Hang in there sweetheart, if the marathon is meant to be it will be, if not..
Well, our lives can sometimes be marathon enough. Yours certainly has been of late.
No one would think any less of you for choosing to put yourself first for once, especially when it consernes your health.
Nobody wants to be in this race we call life without you.
Take care and God bless love.

Anonymous said...

How about this, I will only donate if you DON'T run!! thanks for watching out for my girl!

scrappy quilter said...

Heather, please take care of YOU!! I know you'd love to do the marathon, however it might have to be another time. Right now you need to be healthy. Years ago when I was fostering I had a major burnout. My family doctor said "you need to slow down, if you don't you are going to have a heart attack, a stroke or both". It hit me like a ton of bricks, however I listened. It's taken years to get over the burnout and in some areas I still feel I'm not completely over it. Please listen to your doctor.

We love ya and want you well. Hugs and prayers

Bea Braun said...

Heather, you're getting warning signs and you probably should pay serious attention. If you get slammed by this thing you're going to put a big crimp in your new "normal" schedule. I know how hard it is to accept our bodies limitations but you have to take care of yourself, if not for you for everybody else! I agree with Kelly I will only donate if you DON'T run:) I too am very sad that summer is over, such a nice time to enjoy the family.


Anonymous said...

It was nice to see you today, although I wish that I had read this blog yesterday.
As you know, you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Listen to your body.

Judy said...

Ok girl, I was actually telling Cheri the other week that I thought you should call off the marathon! Even before I read your post, I could sense the utter exhaustion in your posts. Your family NEEDS a healthy mom, wife, and friend. I truly think you should take your Dr's warning seriously. We all love and support you, Heather. You do SO MUCH for so many people. Your blog is a source of encouragement and inspiration to COUNTLESS families. You don't need to run a marathon to help Zoey or any other kiddo. You know that ;) I'm not one to talk as I've put off appts with Dr's for over a year now.'s your chance yet again to be an inspiration to other moms. Show us that it IS necessary to take care of ourselves because if we fall sick, there is no one to take our place. I know I'm preaching, but it's because we all care about you so much and want you to take gentle care of yourself. Big hugs and prayers to you, Heather. We love you!!!

Googsmom said...

{{{{{{{HUGS HEATHER}}}}}

I'm Praying for you and your family. As the other posters have said, find the time to rest. You are loved and needed, yes, but you have to find time to relax. I know it's easier said than done, but try. All you can do is try.

{{{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}

Michelle said...

So glad you had that time with your family! The memories you made, laughs you shared, the moments being swept away from all the 'reality' stuff for just a short time. Take care of yourself my friend...please. If I were closer, you would have no choice, BUT the distance makes it hard to control the things I wish I could! ;) So please rest, take 5 min from time to time to regroup, breathe, pray, and smile!