And Life Moves Forward .....

I always find it so very difficult to post again after we have lost one of our beautiful friends.It feels a bit disloyal in some weird way.Seems far too easy.None of this should become easy.We need to continue to be startled and shocked to attention each and everytime we lose a child to this beast.We can never,ever sit back and surrender and say,"These things sometimes happen.This is just part of life."I may know those two things but it doesn't mean I have come to any point in my life, that resembles a dwelling place of acceptance.But life does go on.That remains to be the ultimate contradiction in my mind. The undeniable heartbreaking truth that exists along side the indescibable beauty ... life does indeed go on.Our prayers continue to pour out freely to the Smith's, as our tears flow just as readily at the thought of their days beginning and ending without the presence of Kai alongside them.

A semi-quick post on pre-Halloween hoopla.And,you know,that is exactly what it is.Hoopla.It seems that Halloween is quickly beginning to rival the craziness of Christmas.Seriously.Stores are jammed.Costume prices exorbitant.Pumpkin Patches have become these full tilt extravaganzas that cost an arm and a leg to just walk through the gate and all the rest ... extra.I refuse.Now don't get me wrong.I LOVE Halloween.Really love it.But I SO yearn for my Upstate NY Cider Mill.We have nothing like that and I miss that.I am excited to have another "set" of little ones to carve with and dress up with and just watch their wide eyed wonder of it all.I just wish,that like so much else in this world,that Halloween hadn't become so commercialized.Oh well,can't fight change.Oh wait.Yes I can.It's a no go on "PumpkinDisneyland".

Jake and Joe had a Halloween Parade followed by parties,at school.Their school implemented a "no mask,no weapons" rule this year.Try telling that to 2 kids with a trunk full of "Batman,Iron Man,Superman,Spiderman,Optimus Prime,Bubble Bee and Various Star Wars characters',costumes.Doesn't go over big.They opted for an astronaut suite that Joe got at the Griffith Observatory and Jake ... Ozzy Osborne.. we had that costume ... he knows who he is and ... don't ask.We carved pumpkins tonight.Strange to do it without the big girls.Although Jess did get home at tail end.Pumpkin carving continues to be one of our very favorite,long standing,family traditions.Joe hung for most of the time but crashed and burned and will have to finish tomorrow.Zoey loved watching and her Jammies ... skeleton ... that glow in the dark!Very cool.As for the pictures with daddy.I caught her signing daddy by herself.She also is doing "shhh" because Joe was sleeping on the ottoman and she puts her hand on the side of her head for "sleep".She has picked up a number of signs over the last few weeks."Milk" being one.She fists her hand and rubs her thumb across the top.So cute.She does "water" by sticking her finger in her mouth.Similar to "shhh"She really is showing us new things all the time and I can tell, that her receptive language,what she understands us saying,has really gone through a spurt.I'll save some of the other new things she is doing for another post.Tomorrow marks a year ago that her first chemo treatment began.Instead of getting hung up on that or feeling like Halloween will forever be dampened,we are celebrating.A year ago she received the chance at life.How blessed are we?