Monday, August 23, 2010
Blanket Delivery to our warrior friends on 4E ...
Today I headed to CHLA to make a Heart Blanket Project delivery to our buddies battling on the 4th floor.My goal when this project began was to hit the 4 delivery quota a year and I am extremely happy to say,today we met that goal.
As always it was nice to see the familiar faces of the nurses and staff that were part of seeing our girl to this day but at the same time,I hated walking along those corridors knowing all too well what was transpiring behind closed doors.I didn't have that pit in my stomach that I use to have, when I walked off the elevator today but I did,literally feel a bit nauseous at the the smell.You know,that unmistakable hospital smell.I'll never get over that.
I think I brought 16 blankets,which is a light day on 4E but I also know,it won't remain that way.Beds will fill up by tomorrow.It happens without fail.
Our next delivery will be in October.The last week in October to be exact.2 months between deliveries is bit sooner than we usually do but at the end of October,the 29th to be exact,we will mark exactly 2 years since Zoey's diagnosis.Seems incredible that 2 years has come and gone but the feeling of peace,with this much time and distance between Zoey and her diagnosis,is indescribable.We continue to rejoice in the here and now of these moments.
As I was leaving and standing at the elevator doors,I looked down 4W,which was not actually our side but I happened to exchange glances with a nurse that use to rotate between 4E,4W and BMT.She looked at me,mouth hanging open,immediate frown on her face and walked towards me.I knew what she was thinking.In fact, we didn't need to exchange words at first.I knew that she thought I was there with Zoey. I knew that she thought we were there because Zoey had relapsed.I took her by the arm and said,"Zoey is okay."She relaxed.An audible sigh of relief.We chatted and said our goodbyes.You see,that is the reality of life with cancer.That is the reality of this unimaginable walk with a relentless foe.I knew,without really knowing,that today a blanket went to children who were in the beginning stages of their fight with cancer.I knew I delivered a blanket today to children who were in their 2nd fight with cancer.I know without a shadow of a doubt,I delivered a blanket to children who would not see the miracle that they all so deserve.I could never express to you the sadness that that brings me.The overwhelming sense of helplessness that takes over me.
So I deliver blankets.Wish I had the power to deliver a cure.For now,this will have to do.Only wish there were more.
*The fliers we hand out with each blanket,needed a new photo of the wonder girl ... is she not just so stink'n cute?We hope that families,whose children receive blankets,see in that face,a face of full of hope.Hope and faith.Necessary companions on this journey.Got to have both.No doubt about it.