Gratitude and Grieving ...

I wish there were a road map or perhaps a handbook to this grieving thing. Cuz this up and down, high/ low, swinging pendulum, is for the birds. And a chapter in aforementioned book on how to properly help my dad through these days, would be greatly appreciated as well. I am certain there really are great books and resources out there, but it seems to me, the best way just may be to move through it. Never quite beyond the pain and missing but maybe to a place where those heaving, out of nowhere sobs, don't come with such force and unpredictability. So, that's about all on the grieving. That and just the plain and simple missing her.

On to gratitude:

1. Birthdays. 48 came and went painlessly. Blessed to have another year. Surrounded by love. My youngest sister called my husband earlier in the week and asked what time I was born, knowing that I would be missing my on the minute phone call from my mom. He said around 10:30 am East Coast time. That morning, as I was finishing getting ready for the day, the phone rang, I picked it up and it was my sister. She said " Happy Birthday. Am I close to the time? " I looked at my phone and if you can believe this, she called, at exactly the right time. I mean exactly. 10:33am, on the nose. How weird is that?

My sister asked me to send her this picture of my mom and her. 20 plus years ago, but still, is it not just so darling of the two of them?

Joe had to be sacrificed in this picture because Zoey looked so cute. sorry Joe. Family picture, minus Taylor who had an evening class.

My future son in-law Matt, is known for his funny and creative presents and cards. He picked all of my favorites .... wine, chocolate and Adam Levine. Not necessarily in that order. I have been decorating the table for the kids, the morning of their birthdays, since Jess was probably 3. For the first time ever,  in 22 years, the morning of my birthday, Mark decorated the table for me. And spoiled me with another of my favorites. Several sets, 5 to be exact, of tickets to plays at the amazing Pantages Theater in Hollywood. Super excited.

2. Joes still so innocent school friends who sends him home with sticky notes with shows they want him to watch on Netflix.

3. My early morning and late night runs. Best therapy. At least in my book.

4. Zoey's school. She absolutely loves it and is happy each and every morning as we are getting her backpack ready for the day. She usually is frantically signing 'school' and cannot wait to get in the car and be on our way.

5. My hilarious son. Casually going about his morning before school, wearing these glasses.

6. Halloween. Love it. I must. I have 4, count them 4, totes of decorations. Little out of hand.

7. Evenings out to see my oh so funny and talented friend Elizabeth perform in 'Expressing Motherhood'.

8. Zoey's precious and perfect hands. Still so tiny and fragile at 5 1/2 years of age. I often trace her tiny fingers, just as we did with our newborn babies. I marvel in the miracle of her daily.

9. My beautiful 'bookends'. 20 years separate them. This was taken at Zoey's Children's Hospital of Los Angels NICU  reunion. Amazing to see so many faces that were literally responsible for my littlest love being here today. And, if things go as we hope and pray, Jess will graduate in December from nursing school and maybe, just maybe, have an opportunity to be part of the nurse residency program in the NICU, at CHLA.  How full circle and incredible would that be?

10. Darling Waldorf Dolls made with love by blogging friends. Zoey just loves this little doll. But then again, who wouldn't?

11. Engagement photos. So many beautiful ones. Here are just a few.

12. Joe. Doing what Joe does best. While out to dinner the other night, he jumped up from the table and ran outside. I followed and this is what I found. He seriously thought he could climb the thing. And me, I could not help but laugh. And then think, how will I ever make it through this child's teenage years??

13. Inhalers. All three of mine. Because, can I tell you, my asthma is causing me to struggle as of late. Big time. And what do I do, without a second thought? I go for an 8 mile run today. Through a local, breathtaking, no pun intended, canyon. And all those 58 out of 60 environmental allergens that I just so happen to be highly allergic to, those bad boys, are taking up residency in my lungs. So yep, really grateful for inhalers.

 14. Taylor. She soon will be heading into the 3rd and final interview for Teach For America. If chosen, she will go to live somewhere here in the United States, for 2 years, where she will be a teacher to children living in low income communities. The girl continues to wow me.

Pepperdine Teacher Education Board. Quite a milestone. So proud of her.

15. My husband. Who works harder then most anyone I have ever known. He just has been picked as editor on a show that will most likely find him away from home more, if that is even possible, but being chosen to edit this show is quite a catch and we are super proud of him. Not sure if I am able to share with you what show it is yet, so I'll just have to leave you hanging ... sorry.

16. A growing belly on my beautiful daughter. Baby girl McAuliffe number 2 is getting bigger by the day.

Gratitude continues to keep me grounded and allows me to pause daily and see, that even on those days, when everything seems to be falling in around you, there is always, always, things to be grateful for. Always.