So this morning I woke in a foul mood. That might be putting it mildly. Might have to ask my family to expound on that and they might have some other adjectives to describe my mood or perhaps a choice word to describe me. I would have a difficult time arguing my side, if that were the case.
Not sure where it came from. I tend to want to analyze things. Over analyze, I have been told by some. I want answers. Concrete ones and really, emotions are just not that cut and dry. I think at one point I said, " Not sure if this is 6 years of stress being released form my being or 6 months, but whatever it is, it is ugly."
At nearly 10am I have regrouped. But not without beating myself up for my behavior along the way. Guilt ridden for lashing out at those around me. Not fair to them. Do you know that my sweet, innocent, little love Zoey sat in her highchair and growled in my direction while signing 'cry'? Her way of acknowledging I was mad and sad. She looked at me and said 'Hi' over and over and as I lifted her from her seat to finish getting her ready for school, she leaned in and gave me a kiss and signed 'happy'. Talk about feeling like crap.
Popped in another of my Christmas CD's on the way to her school and this is the first song that came on. Boy, talk about perfect. Peace. I need that. I long for it. I realize that only I have control of obtaining it on most days. Beautiful piece. Performed by Casting Crowns and the song is based off of a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem that he wrote during a particularly dark period in his life. Enjoy. And if it is peace you are looking for today, perhaps this might help. If only just a little bit.
Not sure where it came from. I tend to want to analyze things. Over analyze, I have been told by some. I want answers. Concrete ones and really, emotions are just not that cut and dry. I think at one point I said, " Not sure if this is 6 years of stress being released form my being or 6 months, but whatever it is, it is ugly."
At nearly 10am I have regrouped. But not without beating myself up for my behavior along the way. Guilt ridden for lashing out at those around me. Not fair to them. Do you know that my sweet, innocent, little love Zoey sat in her highchair and growled in my direction while signing 'cry'? Her way of acknowledging I was mad and sad. She looked at me and said 'Hi' over and over and as I lifted her from her seat to finish getting her ready for school, she leaned in and gave me a kiss and signed 'happy'. Talk about feeling like crap.
Popped in another of my Christmas CD's on the way to her school and this is the first song that came on. Boy, talk about perfect. Peace. I need that. I long for it. I realize that only I have control of obtaining it on most days. Beautiful piece. Performed by Casting Crowns and the song is based off of a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem that he wrote during a particularly dark period in his life. Enjoy. And if it is peace you are looking for today, perhaps this might help. If only just a little bit.
6 comments:
Ah, we all have those days. I know I have them and even when I am storming around like a cranky mad woman I am thinking to myself that I need to tone it down a bit. Usually I end up in my room crying then come out and apologize to everyone. You are not alone in the bad mood department. It is passed now! Go grab yourself a coffee and put your feet up.
I was surprised to see your post on Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. This Sunday we are having a large extended family progressive dinner. At my house we will be showing a video about this exact poem, "I heard the Bells on Christmas Day."
This video reminds me of Kristen and my dad.
After the death of Henry's Wife, Fanny, he writes,
"So strong is the sense of her presence upon me, that I should hardly be surprised to look up now and see her in the room. Death is a beginning, not an end." On that Christmas morning, it is clear to Henry that war, injury and even death are not the end. The rising sun turns the icy river to silver and the Longfellow home to gold.
I love Casting Crowns version of the song.
Zoey is so much like Kristen. She would get mad at me if I was upset with someone. She did not like contention at all. She would often say, "Mom! be nice."
Oh girl do we all have days like that. Most of the time it is the girls who snap me back into reality and into thankfulness.
Love you, I am SO very thankful for you!
Thanks for that moment of peace! I'm having one of those days....or weeks....or months, as well! Hang in there! Love and Big Hugs!
wow!! That was such a beautiful song.
Amazing that sweet little Zoey Grace "gets it" when Mommy is having a melt down.
Hope the rest of your day and evening goes better. Especially with those that were at the receiving end of your proclaimed "ugliness"
Deep breaths Heather, deep breaths
Still thinking about miss Zoey's reaction - what an amazing, unique little spirit!
Hugs
Bluebelle
I'm sorry that you had a rough morning, and I imagine you need to give yourself a break -- both literally and figuratively!
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