Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mother's Day Reflection and a Zoey update

Eight years ago this weekend, was a weekend I will never forget, for two reasons. First, I will not soon forget it because it was the last time Mark and I went away alone together, and more importantly, it was the weekend that Mark and I decided to have this "second set" of little ones. Those closest to us know the story of how we got here, to a family of eight. Others are probably curious. The majority of people first assume that this is a second marriage. Others think that Jake, age 7, must have been unexpected. When in fact, none of it was unplanned and certainly the only unexpected part was that we would be blessed three times over. In May 2000 Mark and I went away to celebrate our anniversary that was on the 31st. Mother's Day weekend was the only weekend we could work it out for my sister to stay with the girls. We planned to be back early Sunday so I could spend time with the girls. As tradition goes, Mark knew he would be in for "baby talk" the entire weekend. It was just the way it went. Ever since I had my tubes tied after Taylor, in fact from that very first day I had it done, at her c-section, I had regretted it. It haunted me , literally. I agonized and pondered and schemed. How was I going to have another baby in my life, our lives? I felt there was another soul out there waiting. Something more was waiting.Maybe adoption? Maybe foster care? But Mark was always very content. Me, not so much. Eventually I came to acceptance. After all, I had been blessed with three amazing girls. Which was much more then some women will ever experience. Things began to change in late summer,early fall 1999. I was privileged to be part of one families very private, very heartbreaking journey with leukemia. Their story is a story that deserves much more time then this. One I will share on another post because it truly changed me in profound ways. But I will say now, that because of their journey ,I saw first hand what life and living were all about. What family and children were all about. I cannot speak for Mark but I think that same journey had a great deal to do with Marks change of mind. A change of mind that quite frankly ,I did not ever think would happen. Mark always referred to our baby discussions as "the talk". So on that weekend 8 years ago Mark said let's get "the talk "out of the way. He proceeded to start it off by saying that he was actually on the same page as me and wanted to see how we could add to our family. Shock was an understatement. Overjoyed was an understatement. By the time we got home on Sunday I felt as if I was in a dream. After almost 10 years we might be having another baby. Unreal.We arrived home to celebrate Mother's Day and the girls greeted me at the door with my present.The girls were anxious for me to open it and what was in it was the statue you see at the beginning of this post. It is called "My Confidence". If you look closely you see a mother and 3 distinct GIRLS and a tiny nondescript little one at the foot of the mother. Tears flowed immediately. The girls just thinking it was only because I loved it, which I did. But to see FOUR figures, to me, it really was a sign of things to come. The next month I flew to North Carolina to have my tubes "put back together" so to speak. I was pregnant the very next month and the rest as they say, is history. A wonderful, beautiful history. I am so blessed to be doing what I have always dreamed of doing ,being a mom. It comes very easy and natural to me and although the last year has been any thing but easy , it has been natural. I am so blessed that God saw fit to entrust me with these precious children To all the Mother's reading this, to my mom, my sisters and sister in laws and to my dear friends and to the mothers who are sharing this common latest journey with me, thank you for your daily inspiration. It is a honor to share this bond with you. May your day be filled with joy and love, surrounded by these great little (and big!) people you have created. You have much to be proud of.

Zoey had a very heartbreaking day as far as seizures go. She had 4 pretty significant episodes. Very difficult to see. Difficult on her and her body. We are trying to adjust to this latest crisis and trying hard to do it with strength for her sake as well as the sake of the rest of the kids. We pray that this little fighter will find her way out of this latest challenge. My sister pointed out to me the other day, that although Zoey has fallen into the lousy end of the tiniest percentile for everything under the sun, she has also beaten every one of them also. We are trying hard to hang on to that. Please continue to pray for our strength. Her strength. We feel so beaten down sometimes. We can only imagine how Little Miss Zoey must feel.

1 comment:

jotcr2 said...

I am so sorry that Zoey is still struggling with seizure control. How stressful. Even the same medication, but a different dosage can help. We had to completely change Sheena's metabolism with mega-high dose prednisolone, and it worked for her. I hope you can work with your Dr's to find something.