"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It seems as if we have been in a constant, ever changing reality over the last 2 years.Some realities have been easier to swallow and digest than others.Without a doubt this latest chapter, known as "after diagnosis", has certainly been the most difficult.On October 29th of this past year, Zoey was officially diagnosed with leukemia.That day is etched vividly in my mind and on my heart.And tonight the recalling of that day and the reality of what we were stepping into came crashing,full force,without warning .... straight through my heart.On that day in October,as we waited for Zoey's doctor to come in and give us the results of the bone marrow biopsy,I stood in the door way of the 5th floor clinic room and gazed out at the people milling about.I watched little faces pass me by.Some with wide toothy grins and others hidden behind masks, far too big for those little faces.Parents pushed strollers.Parents pushed IV polls.Parents carried children and siblings trailed obediently behind.One little girl caught my eye.She was dressed in a darling cheerleader outfit and I believe she was carrying a McDonalds Happy Meal box.She skipped behind her daddy and coming behind them, was mom with a tiny little guy dressed in a black Halloween outfit.This little tow head baby boy, who looked to be maybe one,was tucked snuggly and safely in his mommas arms.So cute he was.I lingered in the doorway anxiously awaiting Zoey's doctor and unable to stand still much longer, I wandered into the hallway.As I entered the hallway and turned left,the door right next to us was open and there was that darling family.I stopped,the little girl waved and the mom commented that her daughter doesn't often respond to strangers, so I should consider myself lucky.I did then and I absolutely do tonight.For on that day, in that moment, I met Gracie and her mom Laura and dad John and most especially her baby brother Luke.Our conversation was brief but I found out in the few moments we had to chat, that Luke had neuroblastoma and he was fighting like crazy to beat this nasty thing that had invaded his tiny,tiny body.Their doctor came in, we said our quick goodbyes,only to meet back up a short time later on the 4th floor.I watched Luke circle the the floors of 4e and 4w with his mom and grandmother.I watched as Gracie came for visits and dad came to relieve mom.I watched a family fight for a baby that they love with all their heart and soul.Tonight I learned the unfathomable.Luke's cancer has returned with a vengeance and now comes a time to make a lifetime of memories, in what won't come close to being enough time .Ever.I love this tiny warrior.I have always had the overpowering desire to grab him from his mother's arms and hold his little body and rub is little back.I have never been so bold.I wish I had.There is just something about him.Tonight I am sad.Sad beyond words for this family.Sad for our new reality that holds the ever present and very real possibility of replaying this very scenario over and over.And in some moments, I must go to a place,ever so briefly,ever so selfishly and wonder ... will it,could it,be us one day.These fleeting thoughts are what force us to live fully in our moments.Our precious,irreplaceable,here and now moments.And somehow,despite the deep sadness,I emerge changed for the better.Changed because of the courage of ones far younger than I and far stronger than I could ever be.Please keep Luke and all who love him deep in your prayers.It truly is all we can do.