Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The only thing that is real is LOVE ....
When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three,
I was hardly Me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.
~from Now We Are Six~by A.A.Milne
This morning I went to my closet and took out "the outfit".I remember vividly the day I purchased it.See,the thing is, I hate shopping.For clothes at least.I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.I have very few,if any,outfits to wear if the occasion calls for something other than the afore mentioned.Let's put it this way,if I was on "What Not to Wear",which I would certainly benefit from it, if I were,Clinton and Stacy would be screaming,"Step away from the graphic tees ... now."Anyway,on this particular day I was angry that I had to scour the stores for appropriate attire.I wasn't angry at the actual task of the shopping but rather the reason for which I was doing the shopping.I was shopping for a memorial service.For a baby nonetheless.For sweet baby Luke.So I looked and I tried on, and I settled on a pair of brown slacks and a tailored light blue blouse.One of the main reasons I picked those colors that day, was because little Luke had this darling brown and blue stripped jammie thing that I just loved him in.So I bought it.I wore it.And I hated that I had to buy an outfit for a child,a baby's, memorial service.Not even two months later,I donned that outfit again.This time for the courageous Thomas.Another child.Another heartbreaking service.Today I begrudgingly hauled that outfit out again.This time,for the beautiful boy Pablo.This morning I dressed.I dressed as well, my precious littlest love and we headed out the door to pay tribute to another of our fellow 4th floor warriors.Last night Mark, Zoey and I attended an incredible memorial service for Mr.P.It was an evening filled with such joy and laughter and tears and mostly,it was filled with love.Hundreds of people gathered.Hundreds.We listened to Taiko Drumming.We listened to 16 speakers speak of the amazing life that is Pablo's.A small child,who lived 6 years and 6 days and touched more lives,had more adventures,shone more light, than most of us probably will in 10 times those years.Today however,I knew would be different.More real,more solemn.Deeply and more profoundly,sad.And it was.Miss Zoey and I said goodbye to the magical boy.We wished him Godspeed.We told him we would look for him in the warm breeze,the rising and setting sun and the butterflies.Just like the ones they released at the end of his moving funeral.Zoey was such a trooper.She hung tight for the 4 hour celebration last night and did an equally magnificent job of handling today's funeral.The sun was so strong that we were unable to stand outside as the horse drawn carriage carried the brave solider,to his final resting place.We sat in the car,said our prayers and blew him kisses.And then we went home.Just like that.It was a beautiful day.As beautiful a day as it can be when you attend a funeral for a child,ripped far too prematurely from the arms of those who love him so fully and completely.The day was indeed beautiful but at the end of this beautiful day,when the music stops and we all head in our separate directions,Jeff,Jo Ann and Grady will have to navigate this world with out their beloved Pablo.Infinitely and forever unfair.Earlier this evening,Mark and I and Zoey and the boys decided to go to the beach.We grabbed dinner and went into Malibu.We went to Cross Creek,a place Jeff,Pablo's dad,spoke of last night.The boys played.I watched them.All the while thinking of Pablo and feeling his presence in their laughter and unbridled joy.Zoey took in the ocean air and soaked in the antics of her carefree,silly brothers.And Mark wrote.He wrote Pablo's name in the sand.Etched on the shore of the Pacific ocean that Pablo loved so much.Etched much in same fashion as he is etched permanently in our hearts.I leave you with the reverberating message spoken by Jeff numerous times over the last few days.And it is this:none of this,that physically surrounds us is real.The only thing that is real,is LOVE.We love you Pablo.
~I encourage everyone to visit the site of the wonderful foundation that Pablo's family established shortly after he was diagnosed,the pablove foundation.Fighting cancer with love.