Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The only thing that is real is LOVE ....


The End

When I was One,
I had just begun.

When I was Two,
I was nearly new.

When I was Three,
I was hardly Me.

When I was Four,
I was not much more.

When I was Five,
I was just alive.

But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

~from Now We Are Six~by A.A.Milne


This morning I went to my closet and took out "the outfit".I remember vividly the day I purchased it.See,the thing is, I hate shopping.For clothes at least.I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.I have very few,if any,outfits to wear if the occasion calls for something other than the afore mentioned.Let's put it this way,if I was on "What Not to Wear",which I would certainly benefit from it, if I were,Clinton and Stacy would be screaming,"Step away from the graphic tees ... now."Anyway,on this particular day I was angry that I had to scour the stores for appropriate attire.I wasn't angry at the actual task of the shopping but rather the reason for which I was doing the shopping.I was shopping for a memorial service.For a baby nonetheless.For sweet baby Luke.So I looked and I tried on, and I settled on a pair of brown slacks and a tailored light blue blouse.One of the main reasons I picked those colors that day, was because little Luke had this darling brown and blue stripped jammie thing that I just loved him in.So I bought it.I wore it.And I hated that I had to buy an outfit for a child,a baby's, memorial service.Not even two months later,I donned that outfit again.This time for the courageous Thomas.Another child.Another heartbreaking service.Today I begrudgingly hauled that outfit out again.This time,for the beautiful boy Pablo.This morning I dressed.I dressed as well, my precious littlest love and we headed out the door to pay tribute to another of our fellow 4th floor warriors.Last night Mark, Zoey and I attended an incredible memorial service for Mr.P.It was an evening filled with such joy and laughter and tears and mostly,it was filled with love.Hundreds of people gathered.Hundreds.We listened to Taiko Drumming.We listened to 16 speakers speak of the amazing life that is Pablo's.A small child,who lived 6 years and 6 days and touched more lives,had more adventures,shone more light, than most of us probably will in 10 times those years.Today however,I knew would be different.More real,more solemn.Deeply and more profoundly,sad.And it was.Miss Zoey and I said goodbye to the magical boy.We wished him Godspeed.We told him we would look for him in the warm breeze,the rising and setting sun and the butterflies.Just like the ones they released at the end of his moving funeral.Zoey was such a trooper.She hung tight for the 4 hour celebration last night and did an equally magnificent job of handling today's funeral.The sun was so strong that we were unable to stand outside as the horse drawn carriage carried the brave solider,to his final resting place.We sat in the car,said our prayers and blew him kisses.And then we went home.Just like that.It was a beautiful day.As beautiful a day as it can be when you attend a funeral for a child,ripped far too prematurely from the arms of those who love him so fully and completely.The day was indeed beautiful but at the end of this beautiful day,when the music stops and we all head in our separate directions,Jeff,Jo Ann and Grady will have to navigate this world with out their beloved Pablo.Infinitely and forever unfair.Earlier this evening,Mark and I and Zoey and the boys decided to go to the beach.We grabbed dinner and went into Malibu.We went to Cross Creek,a place Jeff,Pablo's dad,spoke of last night.The boys played.I watched them.All the while thinking of Pablo and feeling his presence in their laughter and unbridled joy.Zoey took in the ocean air and soaked in the antics of her carefree,silly brothers.And Mark wrote.He wrote Pablo's name in the sand.Etched on the shore of the Pacific ocean that Pablo loved so much.Etched much in same fashion as he is etched permanently in our hearts.I leave you with the reverberating message spoken by Jeff numerous times over the last few days.And it is this:none of this,that physically surrounds us is real.The only thing that is real,is LOVE.We love you Pablo.

~I encourage everyone to visit the site of the wonderful foundation that Pablo's family established shortly after he was diagnosed,the pablove foundation.Fighting cancer with love.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Through tears I read this post that is written with such eloquence and love - our prayers are with Pablo, his family and the Needhams today and everyday.....
Robyn from Otisco Lake

blogzilly said...

Man...that is one touching story.

stephanie said...

I knew you would go and I knew you would write so beautifully about it. Pablo has been on my mind everyday, I stand in awe of his parents, they are incredible. If I am so moved by this child and his family I can only imagine what an impression he made on the people who actually knew him. There was something almost magical in his smile.I will never forget him.

Bea Braun said...

What a beautiful tribute to an amazing little boy and an amazing family. Our prayers are with them.

The VW's said...

How very sad! I'm so sorry! May you and his family be given grace, peace and strength during this time and always!

Anonymous said...

I'm having a bit of a problem seeing the keys as I am blinded by tear drops. What a sad, beautiful blog that was Heather. And to you Mark, ever the creative person that you are - what a truly awesome tribute you left on the beach to a sweet, innocent little boy of only six

love & hugs to everyone

Loaine (Bluebelle)
PS Yes, when I look at a sunrise, sunset or butterflies I too think of that special someone that I lost 11 months ago. Always a gentle reminder if we only take the time to really see and feel it.

I close with:

"PERHAPS THEY ARE NOT STARS, BUT OPENINGS IN HEAVEN WHERE THE LOVE OF OUR LOST ONES POUR THROUGH AND SHINES DOWN AND LETS US KNOW THEY ARE HAPPY"

Eskimo Proverb

Michelle said...

Yet another day remembering one that has gone home. My heart is full for your and for Pablo and his family! I know those days aren't easy ones, dressing for 'that' occassion, but so glad you were able to give hope, strength and support to his family. I am sure they all love you so much...how could they not? And I am so thankful you were able to take Zoey with you, no mask, no restrictions, no hospitals. Keep on, keeping on and know i am here my friend...always!

Caitlin Sarah said...

Beautiful Mama...

I love you and am so proud of you.

Cait

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to imagine what you and your friends are going through. My prayers are with you all.
Kelly Kile

Lacey said...

Sounds like a beautiful service. What a way to celebrate a six year old, with a big party. Thats what he would have wanted.
You had Ray crying yesterday from your last post. He couldn't handle hearing about Pablo's dad. It was way to close to home for him. We love you guys.

Kele said...

What a beautiful tribute to Pablo, both your post and Mark's etching in the sand.
Thinking of and praying for this amazing family.

Mo said...

Very lovely tribute, Heather. I will keep Pablo's family in my thoughts and prayers as they travel this difficult road. He sounds like a very special little boy, and was obviously loved and adored by many.

Samantha said...

my heart is so, so heavy for pablos family and for everyone who had the privilage to know him... he and his family will forever be in my prayers...

Tish Hearne said...

Your writing is incredible. Your Zoey reflects all that is REAL, and I so enjoyed embracing your amazing girl on Tuesday night. Zoey was the perfect antidote to the feelings that surfaced at Pablo's beautiful and moving celebration.

Thank you for sharing was real.

Love, love, love,
Tish

Tish Hearne said...

Your writing is incredible. Your Zoey reflects all that is REAL, and I so enjoyed embracing your amazing girl on Tuesday night. Zoey was the perfect antidote to the feelings that surfaced at Pablo's beautiful and moving celebration.

Thank you for sharing what is real.

Love, love, love,
Tish

Denise said...

Yes, Heather, you write everything so beautifully. I was just on Pablo's website yesterday and read about the memorial service but it was before the funeral when I read it. I just love the beauty that comes out of this very sad tragedy. It choked me up when you said that Mark was the one who wrote in the sand....I don't know why but it just did.

Junior said...

Pablo's family is in our prayers.
A beautiful post in honor of this precious little boy.

scrappy quilter said...

You write so beautifully about a little treasure that is now in heaven. What an amazing little boy and what amazing parents. Hugs..

rebecca said...

Your words are always so touching, you always know just what to say. What a lovely tribute to a small boy whose life on this earthly place was cut short.

much love....

Devon said...

I am in tears, Heather. I am so sorry for your loss, so sorry you have seen so many little ones leave. Prayers and love for you and Pablo's family. You will see him again.

Victoria Strong said...

I have not been able to check in lately and now I find I am hanging on to your every word...your every post over the last few weeks...not wanting it to be true...not wanting this story to play out. What a truly remarkable family. I feel stunned and angry and sad...profoundly sad.

Kristy said...

Perspective, love and amazing lives is what I have gained from your blog and travelling from Zoey's place onto the links and lives of so many other friends and families that are affected by tradgedies such as this. Beautiful, inspiring resilient children...such true angels and testaments of love. God Bless Pablo and his family.

Anonymous said...

We lived it through your written words. LOVE YOU ALL, Christi Harman

Anonymous said...

sweet heather

i love you and your beautiful zoey. please bring me some zoey hugs soon.

love love
jo ann