Sunday, July 5, 2009

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

Moving forward past these posts about sweet Pablo has been exceptionally difficult.Painful.I found it to be much the same after Baby Luke,Thomas and Sol Merie.It feels strangely disloyal in some illogical,unreasonable way.But tonight I begin,having lost another piece of myself in the process but tonight I begin simply because I can.Time, as of late, has been filled with making the most of our days together.All the while, knowing full well that these amazing families,each at various junctures in their grieving,would want nothing else.They infact,would expect nothing less.For it is in the living of our moments, fully and authentically, that we best pay tribute to the lives of their little loves.So we have celebrated the birthdays of Mark and Matt and we have watched fireworks in commemoration of our great nations very own birth but mostly we have looked to Miss Zoey with more wonder and more joy and more gratitude.Blessed that she has found her way to this place.That Zoey has once again shown us the way and that our angels of the 4th floor have unselfishly become our fuel for the journey.

~Zoey LOVES people and groups and gatherings.We could have a blanket full of toys and usually we do and she wants absolutely nothing to do with them.She spends most of the day,rolling anywhere and everywhere in search of where the action is.There is usually not a shortage of warm bodies around here, so her quest is always successful.Her favorite place lately is at foot of someones chair,mostly Jessica's for some reason.She lifts her arm up ever so sweetly,makes a darling little sound and lets us know, in her beautifully unique way,exactly what she wants.


stephanie said...

It is very difficult to get past the loss, especially when you knew these children and their families.I never meet Pablo, but he made a huge impression on me. I crumbled when I heard he was gone.I didn't feel like posting, but life continued, my kids had moments and I wanted to share these things with everyone.But your so right, all these families would expect nothing else, especially from you.To celebrate life to it's fullest.
Happy Birthday to Mark and Matt!It's Sophie's birthday too.
And miss Zoey has never looked more beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I know you are comforted in your faith more than by anything I can say.

I am so grateful Zoey is well and happy. Barbara

scrappy quilter said...

Beautiful pictures. There is nothing more to say other than you're so right...these families would want you to celebrate life to the fullest. Your little angel will definitely show you the way. Hugs..

blogzilly said...

The Miyazawa quote is such a powerful message.

Where do you live that everyone is in long sleeves on the 4th of July?

The VW's said...

SWEET, SWEET ZOEY! You make me smile! :) HUGS AND PRAYERS!

ABandCsMom said...

It's always so hard to hear of the passing of one of our fellow chemo friends. Almost makes me feel guilty. For sure, I am thankful. Thankful for the days I have Carly and thankful she has been able to march through all of her battles. One by one.

Zoey looks just as sweet as ever. You are so very blessed. Looks like everyone enjoyed birthdays and the 4th.

Lacey said...

We thought we were going to be coming back out on the 25th for Ray to take a test for the Los Angeles sheriffs, but the test was full.
I need to come out, because now that Zoey is done with chemo, I need to snuggle her. I want my Zoey hug!

Denise said...

I am with Lacey....I REALLY need a Zoey hug. You know...its weird but you have been literally constantly on my mind lately. I have read your posts regarding Pablos service...posts you have written so beautifully and I really had noticed that you had been quiet lately in "blogland". It finally hit me a couple days ago that you were probably taking a few days to "mourn". I felt a little bit of that the week that you were posting about Pablo and when Jax was really struggling in the hospital. I just didn't feel like posting much or commenting much. And I have never met these kids. YOU knew Pablo and so your pain must be so much greater!! I am glad that you have come to realize that life must still go on for your family and I am sure that is all these other families would want for you. On a happy note...Zoey looks amazing..I LOVE every picture I see of her with that big smile. We NEED to get together again!!! Hang in there my dear friend!! BTW..What's the status on the baby?

Anonymous said...

the first photo - I see a bit of Zoey's brother Jake . amazing that thought flew out to me. Love all the photos - Zoey is a people mixer. Good for her! and to identify with her eldest sister - awesome! Great action shot of the "boys".
It was good to speak with you Mark on your special day - and did you enjoy the Happy Birthday song everyone sang from Otisco Lake? Your parents, sister, brother-in-law David, aunts Lois and myself, cousins Elizabeth, Meg, Scott, niece
Michelle,(her cell phone)
nephew Michael and second generation counsins Jack, Simon and l yr old Chelsa Donaldson.
Happy Birthday to you Matt....although we've never met, I feel I know you....
It looks like Zoey did get her bangs trimmed - Mark mentioned she was going to do that - cute, cute!

Reagan Leigh said...

Love all the pics of Zoey in the mix of everything. She has developed such a personality, you can see it through the photos! I'm waiting for the post announcing the new arrival!!! Any day now!

Peter Olson said...

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one?
I'm very sorry -
Knowing that they are in God's loving arms in heaven and no longer feeling any pain, hopefully brings some comfort. "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17
Holding onto those around us, who love us, should give us comfort.
Nothing can replace a loved one.
We have to keep pressing on.
I pray for you and the families who have suffered loss. May God's comfort be with you.

mommaof4wife2r said...

amen to peter's quote above. and my prayers for peace for the loss of pablo.

as for zoey...that girl could light up NYC with her smile!

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Mark and Matt. Today is Buddy's birthday...three great men all born in July. Are we so lucky to have them in our lives. Sounds like things are happy and healthy at the Needham's. Call me, I want to come over.

datri said...

She's just so beautiful. Who could resist picking her up for a hug and snuggle?

Devon said...

I know what you mean about watching those little ones pass on--we have the same problems in the SMA world. I love this post, Heather, because it explains to me exactly how I need to deal with those losses. You are right--live life to the fullest and enjoy it. Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear it.

Shawn said...

Zoey is like our Ben, he loves family. His greatest pleasure is to have family around, his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He woulg like a family reunion every weekend but most live about two hour away. It is a good thing though because they spoil him so badly that it takes me a week to get him back into the listening to mom routine.

Zoey is so lucky to have that all the time.

Kele said...

Such sweet pictures. Zoey looks so amazingly grown up in some of these pictures, and beautiful as always!
Will catch each other soon, I HOPE!

Dawson said...

What a beautiful beautiful beautiful girl. We have watched her grow from a small little tiny baby into this beautiful little girl.
I won't pretend I can even imagine to know what you have been through recently and the only thing I can offer is what weve been doing all along.. Prayer

Prayer for peace and even sanity :)

We think of you guys daily and are thankful for your friendship.

Give Zoe some love from her friends in Alabama for us please

heidi marie said...

i love the pics. and i can't even imagine how hard it would be to see families you are close with go through something you yourself feared and zoey hurdled past. you are a good friend and i agree that these families would want no family to take one day for granted with their children here on earth. i pray God gives you and all the families the comfort, peace, and understanding all of you desperately need.

Kristy said...

Happy birthday to Mark!!! Eveything sure looks as though it has settled for you and you so much deserve that!!

Addie and I would LOVE to see you!!! Maybe a park date?? Anytime is good for us!! We love you Needhams lots!! xoxo

The day at a time. said...

I have been reading your blog for some time now. Zoey is the cutest! I know she has been through a lot medically, but does she have a g-tube? Our son Malachi, will most likely be needing one and I am looking for other moms who have been through it with their kiddos. Im feeling discouraged about the whole situation and thought connecting with other moms would be helpful!