And, He sent me a message and this is what He said ...

So today I decided to be a bit of a rebel.I decided we were not going to divide and conquer for church today but instead go together.All of us.Including Zoey.We are still about a month out from ideally reentering large crowds.Zoey's doctors want to make sure we have cleared the flu season nicely before we risk her being sneezed on,coughed on and her tiny hands being stroked on by other not so tiny and probably not so clean hands.But this morning I wanted to be together.Not sure exactly why.Maybe it was because it was Valentine's Day and we are all sporting our Pablove shirts and church seemed to be the best place to honor our warrior friend Pablo.Maybe it was because tomorrow we head to clinic for lab work and I have spent the last two mornings with serious anxiety/panic attacks and today I needed to be with my daughter in a place that has always brought me peace.I needed to listen for His silent and reassuring voice.Whatever the reason,off to church we went ...

And it felt really nice.I was able to see so many familiar faces and with the simple exchange of glances,no words were necessary, I knew what they were thinking.....they were so thrilled to see us there with Zoey.And Zoey loved being there.She especially loved the music.We wandered over to the choir area numerous times as she incessantly signed music ... over and over and over again.She loved the piano and the drums and was rather ticked off when they would stop playing.In the middle of Mass there was a baptism and I just love when there are baptisms.I cry everytime.Today it was the daughter of an amazing family here in town.They have two biological children and three adopted children.Beautiful,beautiful children,all of them.Being there today to watch this baptism was extra special, as their family and their extended families have been an often unknowing source of strength,support and unending prayers to us and especially Zoey,over the last few years.

Midway through Mass,Zoey and I found our way to the baptismal fonts.We actually have a traditional small font for babies as well as a large immersion/walk in font and as their daughter is older,she was walking in.Zoey and I had an awesome view.Zoey kept signing water and watching intently and when it was over I paused a moment to speak to another family friend.As we stood there Zoey was signing away and each time I would repeat to my friend what Zoey was saying.All of the sudden Zoey signs "potty" to which I say,that is her sign for "potty" and not sure why she is doing it at that moment.I go on to tell her that I just routinely sign "potty" when she is needing a diaper change and from there she picked up "potty".I went on to say that I am not sure whether or not Zoey will ever grasp the concept of "potty" but no matter,I will just continue signing it,speaking it,along with a whole host of other things that might be abstract for her but I do them nonetheless, under the presumption and with the confidence and belief that she does indeed understand or at the very least will eventually understand ... or do I,??Because you see,not 2 minutes after I utter my doubt in her ability to ever be potty trained ,I head back to my seat and I realize that the front of my shirt and Zoey's pants are soaking wet ... she just wet entirely through her clothes,diaper and onto me.So in my head I am saying... no way.Just a coincidence.Just a coincidence that she signs "potty" for no reason at all and within a minute or two she and I are wet.Instead of freaking out that not only is the front of my shirt completely wet and that I also had no change of clothes for her,I am grinning ear to ear.I am thinking,today God decided to send me a message and this is what he said ..."Do not doubt this child of yours.Do not doubt this child of Mine.Do not,for the sake of self preservation and protection, doubt anything she is capable of today or in future tomorrows.Do not low ball and under estimate this miracle girl.Live what you speak and know that she will show you the way."

Today we went to church.Together.And today the message I received was far bigger then any gospel I could have heard or any words that could have been spoken.Today I learned it is all good to hope but alongside that hope better be authentic belief in what you are hoping for.Unwavering knowledge in infinite possibilities. Belief that all things are possible and that there is no place for doubt where true hope dwells.Who would have ever thought that lesson would have come to me today in the most unlikeliest of places, and from the most unlikeliest source ... one very,very soaking wet diaper.

*This picture has nothing to do with the post but I so love it and had to share it.This picture tells the story of Zoey and Matt's,relationship.Their faces alone, tell the story.Zoey's face lights up whenever Matt enters the room and Matt,well,I do indeed think he feels exactly the same about Zoey.For anyone who doesn't know,Matt is Jessica's boyfriend of almost four years.