Thursday, January 26, 2012

Soldier On ...

I adopted that personal mantra, the soldier on thing, a few months back. October actually. While running the Nike Womens Marathon. They are words from one of my favorite songs from Coldplay . For a refresher, if you need it or want it, click here. Anyway, I have thought of those words and that song in many moments since that beautiful October fall day, and lately, even more so.

Lately when the ebb and flow of life is threatening to pull me under. When I am trying to make my way through the trenches and the daily battles besieging me from all fronts. When the pressures, some admittedly self imposed, seem daunting and heavy. When I am questioning my direction in this life as a wife and as a mother and the levels of complexity within those roles, seem totally overwhelming. And least we forget, my place in this life as an individual, a woman, who was just me, before I became those other things. I am not the surrendering kind of girl so I will just keep moving. Facing forward. Praying my way through the difficult days and knowing, sometimes, all I can do is: soldier on.

And while I am doing that, I will be ever mindful of my many blessings in this life.

  For instance, the gift of reconciliation. 3 years in the making.

"Forgiving is not forgetting; its actually remembering--remembering and not using your right to hit back. Its a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened.” ~Desmond Tutu

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Or party preparations for a soon to be 5 year old miracle girl. This darling little dress being the inspiration behind the party theme.  Oh la la !!

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And of course, there is my  health. I never lose sight of that. Despite 3 inhalers a day, that are costing us a jaw dropping 400 dollars a month, I run. Like a crazy woman sometimes. And sometimes I even run as late as 10 o'clock at night.  Sometimes, I wonder whether I am running away or towards something. But mostly, I just run. Running is my cheap therapy. And on some days, my salvation.

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So, in between the delicate balance of sanity and completely losing my mind, I will be ever mindful of the beauty intertwined amongst the chaos of my life and I will continue to soldier on. Don't know any other way to do it.

16 comments:

Cammie Heflin said...

Cannot wait to see Zoey's party! I'm sure it's going to be absolutely darling, just like her! You are so strong, I admire you and cannot wait to hear about your weekend :)

To Love Endlessly said...

Wonderful mantra and gorgeous party dress! our mantra around here is "make it work" I do believe I need to take up your cheap therapy though!

The Annessa Family said...

This post was so hauntingly beautiful. I think of and pray for your family often. And keep on running!


Brooke
www.TheAnnessaFamily.com

colleen said...

You make it look so easy.... so it actually is tough for you to do everything you do?... kidding.
Ahhh the shot w/ Zoey and your dad brings tears... And the quote... perfection! as usual...

Anonymous said...

nice family photo Heather The smile on your face says it all

Bluebelle

Lacey said...

You amaze me my friend! Whats my excuse when you run while needing 3 inhalers? I strive to be half the person you are. Super excited for an Oo la la party!

Claudia said...

Wow. So happy for you. Zoey looks beautiful, so do you.
xx

Runningmama said...

Love it...Soldier on...that is truly what it feels like I am doing many days! Totally get you on the running thing, sometimes even if I have already gone running that day, I will see someone running and think "gosh, I wish I could do that again today!"

Lisa Lilienthal said...

Soldier on, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Sometimes there is great value in dealing with the here and the now. And looking forward to things like a part inspired by that darling dress! Sounds like your cheap therapy is working pretty well to me. XO

Anna said...

Great post. I cant wait to see birthday photos! She is such a darling. Sorry about the cost of the meds. Might you be able to get samples from your Dr? Sometimes mine has them. I have this link that maybe could be shared on your IPossible page?I couldnt find an appropriate place to post it. Maybe yall could create a tab where people can talk about apps and that sort of thing?

Bethany said...

Instead of "Soldier On" I wear a leather cuff bracelet with a metal strip that reads "Stand Back Up"- so I understand how you feel in some ways. If running is your escape, your time to breathe and step away for yourself for a while then it is a good thing so long as you do no lung damage. Zoey is breathtaking and I cannot believe the little tiny miracle gitl is now 5 years old, and full of personality and delight and radiating love.Zoey is such a blessing!

Joyce said...

One day I would love to hear more about the reconcilation. It is never far from my mind. It eats you alive one way or the other.

Can't wait to see the beauty in her party dress. Five years is a celebration indeed.

Scrappy quilter said...

Looking forward to seeing your little miracle turn 5. BTW - tell me about a little someone.

So neat to see the reconciliation. Hugs and love

SECRET PEPPER PERSON: said...

Oh the dress! The dress!

Melissa said...

Love the dress and can't wait to see all the party details. Your smile in the family photo says a ton. And even though I've never been a runner, you make me want to start. :)

On a totally unrelated note, I love the purple and green of you blog. I've slowly been working on Claire's new room and those are the colors I'm going with, with a touch of teal thrown in too.

Bea Braun said...

just catching up on your past posts and I am sooooo excited to see the pictures and post of your family reconciliation!!!! What a blessing :) You are an amazing woman! Celebrating your dad's 80th birthday and seeing the joy in his and Zoey's face is priceless! A true Lenten miracle!