Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Birthday ...

And so begins my 48th year in this world but as this milestone arrives, so marks my first year of having a birthday, without my mom in this world as well.


On my birthday I will desperately be missing my mom's phone call on the exact minute of my birth. A phone call she has been making for nearly 25 years. I will be missing that gentle voice of hers saying "Happy birthday honey.". She always called me honey. I am beyond grateful for the last message from her, saved on my phone, that ended with, " Love you honey. On my birthday I will miss her telling us to pick up the speed of signing " Happy Birthday" because it sounded so maudlin at such a slow tempo. So we will sing. Fast and I am certain, through tears.

I will miss her presence in the house. Seeing the joy on her face as she watched her husband, children, and grandchildren, gather yet again for another celebration.

I mostly will be simply missing my mom with all my heart and all my soul.  But as I am missing her, I will be living my days, most especially my birthday, honoring her by living fully and completely. Acknowledging the blessing and gift of yet another day in this life.

 On my birthday I will be thanking my mother, in all of my moments, for my life and the beautiful example by which she lead hers, and I will be using that beautiful life as a road map for the rest of my days.

Miss you and love you mom.


14 comments:

Cole said...

Beautiful words Heather. Mothers should be honored for the life and love they've given us on our birthdays indeed. Hugs to you on this day. I'm sure your mom is looking down on you and smiling with pride. How could she not? xoxoo

Cammie Heflin said...

She misses and loves you too :)

The VW's said...

Love and Hugs sent out to you, dear friend....on your birthday.....and every day!

colleen said...

Happy Birthday Heather... sending wishes for a happy and healthy year! Beautiful tribute to your mom!

Reagan Leigh said...

So sorry Heather. I hope somehow you manage to have a nice day...you deserve it! Sending lots of love from Texas...

Anna said...

To a beautiful friend, I hope your mothers presence surrounds you on your birthday. (do me a favor. See if someone can record the message she left you so it can't be lost. I would hate for that to happen. Maybe someone you knows is technically savvy) do this as a gift for yourself, no matter what the cost. It's a treasure. Hugs from Florida.

Rochelle said...

I know your mom is super proud of the awesome woman and mother you have turned out to be. Happy birthday sweet friend.
Wish we could take away your pain especially today!

Alaina and Kyle said...

Sending love your way. Happy Birthday.

Elizabeth said...

Happy, happy birthday Heather! (And you look exactly like Joe in that photo!)

Bea Braun said...

Happy Birthday Heather! Know that your mom is with you. Enjoy your day and live it to the fullest.

Eric said...

Happy Birthday Heather! I can only echo everyone's sentiments that I'm sure that your mother is celebrating this day right along with you. Sending you joy and peace and hope you had a whole bunch of cake today!

krlr said...

I hadn't read this yet & just blithely wrote Happy Birthday on your FB link. I'm so sorry your mom won't be there with you this year. It sounds like she was a lovely generous soul. I hope you had a wonderful day & were able to hold all the good bits close to your heart. xoxoxo.

karen gerstenberger said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but wish you a (belated) happy birthday anyway.

May I share something that your posting brought to mind? I hope it will comfort you in your loss...After Katie died, I found this note, written by her. I had saved it, but I have no clear memory of receiving it when she gave it to me:

"Dear Mom,
I want you to know that I love you all the time. Every single second of life and death. I'm thinking of you always. You will always be my mother. You come and help me when I'm hurt, you help with my arts and crafts, you supervize me with the hot glue gun, you kiss my ouie's better, you prepare meals for the family every night (unless we go out to dinner), your smile brightens every day of my life, you cook very well, you always help me with my homwork, when I have a tummyach you give me tums, and if that doesn't work you give me a banana or rice from the Brat diet, and you love all of the family with all of your heart.
I LOVE you Mommy!

Love,
Kathryn Emilie Gerstenberger"

If my daughter could write such a note before she ever had cancer, I am thinking that your mother might have a similar message for you (from a mother's perspective): that you will always be her daughter, that you have given her great joy for ever, that not even death can separate you in your mutual love. You are a "birthday" gift to her, just as she is to you, "every single second of life and death." I hope this blesses you!

Bahama Momma said...

Thank you, Heather for visiting my blog. What a beautiful family you have! I am from Orange County, but we're living in Northern Virginia now. We might find ourselves back in my hometown after my husband retires from the Marines in the next few years. Maybe we'll get the chance to meet in person! ;-)