Can I tell you how absolutely sick I am of sickness around here?It began with strep last month and the crap hasn't stopped since.And now,rounding out the constant barrage of viruses and infections,Zoey has pneumonia.Poor girl.Not at all herself.Nasty cough.Tries to manage a smile or 2 and as Caitlin remarked a bit ago,I don't think she scooted around one little bit today.She also took a 3 hour nap today and seeing she gave up naps a few months ago,that tells you just how crummy she is feeling.And,after only being up a few hours from her nap,her little tongue was going a mile a minute,sure sign of exhaustion and she was ready to go back down for the night.Passed out.Can only hope for a restful sleep and a change for the better come morning or else we will be heading back to the pediatrician first thing in the morning.
Last night when she woke up at 3am,2 things were going through my mind.One, was that I am so thankful that Zoey is and has always been a good sleeper.Like good as in, she never wakes up till morning.Ever.I look at that as a gift.Not only because of course, who doesn't want a night of uninterrupted sleep but most importantly I know,that when she wakes up,something is brewing.No second guessing that and those of us who have non-verbal children,know that one of of the biggest worries we have is that our children will be hurting or sick and how would they ever be able to tell us.Don't get me wrong,I really would love for her to call my name and tell me with words,what is up but at this point, some uncharacteristic whimpering in the wee hours of the night,I'll take.
The second thing that I thought about,was cancer.Specifically leukemia.Weird right?Not so much really because let me tell you,when you have had a child who has had cancer and they are sick,cancer is usually the first thing you think of.Especially when fever is involved.Now, I didn't think about cancer for long.Thankfully logic took over my irrational thoughts fairly quickly.For one,her fever was 103 and when she was diagnosed with leukemia,she had low grade fevers on and off for a few weeks.Second,she has had a cold for a week or so and back when cancer came knocking, there was nothing in your face,glaringly wrong telling you that something was up.With that said,I still will never say never.I will pray for never of course but I will never become too comfortable and confident and sometimes I hate that I can't be both confident and comfortable that our tete-a tete with cancer is over and done with.And I hated that today, as I was sitting in the pediatricians office and her doctor has listened to her crackling,junky lungs,over and over again,that I still had this little voice whispering,"But are you sure?"I don't think that will ever go away.Ever.
That's all for tonight.I have a room full of crazy LA Kings hockey fans losing their minds during overtime.Two of which are way,way past their bedtimes... but there is just something about two jammied little guys wearing their favorite players jersey's over said jammies,that melts your heart and tells you,what the heck,this is priceless stuff.Bed can wait.